Good morning all,
I hope you had a great week. My week was good. Got lots going on at work, but it's all good thank goodness. Had a busy week trying to get ready for Relay for Life. What an amazing event. I was part of the Folkston City Hall team and we did amazing. We raised $766.00 all together for our team and can't wait to see how much in total everyone raised. I will be sure to let you know once I find out. All the teams worked so hard. Mary-Kay was our MC for the night and was amazing as always. Let me tell you about the wonderful surprise I found when I got up there Friday night. I knew that a few members of my family would join us, but had no idea my daughter Mandy and her husband Johnny was gonna show..what an amazing surprise that was.. then I get to the team tent and everyone has these buttons on with my picture on them and they said "Our reason for relay" I can't tell you how this made me feel. Not only did they have the buttons, but they also made a banner that read " We love (with a heart) Lady Di" and then there were posters all over that said Team Diane... Yes you got it.. I bawled like a baby... all that work .. and it was so beautiful.. I never expected anything like that. It was so awesome!!!! I wish I knew how to post pictures in this blog because let me tell you the words do not do them justice. It was an amazing night for all .. the survivors, the caregivers, the friends and family.. it was just amazing. The luminaries were amazing as well. What an amazing night. I think I have said the word AMAZING several times now, but that seems to be the only word I can use to describe it. Darlene, Katie, Dionne and my Momma made all the buttons and banners.. and set the tent up with yard sales goods. My Daddy made the best Boston butts for sandwiches which sold like hotcakes along with lemonade made by Ms Darlene and my Momma.. brownies and cookies that were made by a girl that works with my sister Leigh (don't know her name, but I will get it and post) and everyone working the tent. There were so many people there to support me as well.. My sisters Lori with her bo Jeff and my nephew Dillon, Darlene and my niece Boogie, Leigh with her husband William, my daughters Mandy with her husband Johnny, Courtney, My Momma Linda and My Daddy Phil, and my amazing husband Brian.. Everyone worked so hard.. I honestly cannot tell you what that night made me feel like. It was more than I can put into words. I have the best family and friends a person could want. I am so blessed to have so many good people in my life. The survivor and caregiver lap was so spiritual... everyone lined the track and clapped as we walked.. what a wonderful feeling and to be walking with so many other survivors, my family and friends all around me.. my momma couldn't walk the lap with us as she has had some trouble with her back, but I can tell you she was walking with me... I almost feel guilty that one person should have so many caregivers... each and everyone from the girls that work with my momma to my amazing family... put me on cloud nine...My spirit has never been higher.... I love all of them so very much!!!! I wish I could stress to everyone how important relay for life is to so many...I can only hope that someday I can make others feel as special as everyone made me feel.. Have a great week all ...and thank you Jesus for bringing so many special people into my life..
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Relay for Life
Good Morning All
Where to start?? It's been a while since my last blog and I have so much to catch you up on.. I left off last time with my trip to North Georgia and just let me say once more.. how amazing our "Girls Gone Gray" weekend was.. it was just what the doctor ordered. Lots of rest, relaxation, spiritual uplifting and tons of laughs..laughing truly is so good for the soul. Came back from Georgia and got back into the routine of our daily life. My friend Donna's daughter Rose had a baby girl on March 14th so up to the hospital I went to see her on the 16th. Had a great visit and really enjoy holding such a little one again. My friend Donna walked me out and right before we could walk out the door I stepped onto a very wet floor and down I went. Fell to my knees and then on to my buttocks. The fall hurt and was sore, but pretty embarrassed by this point so had them put me in a wheel chair and wheel me to a much dryer surface then got up and left. Well don't ya know two days later my wrist was throbbing so once again in the middle of the night I head up to the hospital and sure enough..I broke my wrist trying to brace my fall. After a few hours in the ER and a makeshift cast from fingers to elbow I left the hospital and went on home. By the the time I reached the house the pain in my wrist was worse than ever and that was after I had a taken a pain pill (which I do not like to take). Soooo back up to the hospital I went. Come to find out they had wrapped the cast too tight so they cut it off and wrapped another much looser this time.. Thank you Jesus... Went to my family doc on Monday the 21st just to get a referral ($30.00) and then off to the orthopedic surgeon on Wednesday the 23rd. I have to tell you by this point my spirit was all but gone...I had just gotten to a place where I was feeling so much better and felt really good about the way I looked and then boom...now I was looking at wearing a cast for goodness knows how long and/or maybe even surgery..... I prayed about it a lot and almost called my therapist a time or two as It just seemed I couldn't take much more... I did however realize that this could be so much worse and after all..... this storm too was so much smaller than my God... so off to the orthopedic surgeon we went. I hoped for the best, but feared the worst. Doc took a look at my hand and then the xrays and said okay.. we got a chip off the wrist just floating around in there so let's put a thumb spike on it for 4 weeks and see how it looks from there. Now I have to tell you the moment he brought out the thumb spike and I got a look at how mobile my hand was going to be and the fact that I could remove it each time I got into the shower and no surgery involved....just lit me up like a firecracker. My hubby said you could just see the light come back into my face. Once again our Lord picked me up, laid his hands on me and went to work... it has now been three weeks, so went back to doctor on Wednesday the 13th and everything looks great!!! Was able to take the thumb spike off and no physical therapy needed. Thank you Jesus.... I am now healed and have full use of my hand. It's a little sore, but that's to be expected. I can't tell you how wonderful I feel. Now it's back on the road to recovery for me physically and mentally and I am ready to conquer the world again. God is sooo good and I am so thankful.. Now it's time to rally the forces and work for a good cause.. Relay for Life is coming up on April 29th and I cannot wait!!! I am so excited. I do have a confession to make...throughout my ordeal with Cancer I have always been afraid to call myself a survivor..not really sure why... I guess I feared that in some way I was tempting fate ... or as my momma would say "counting my chickens before they hatch", but I have realized( thanks to Relay for Life) that it's okay to call yourself a survivor... heck it's down right therapeutic...This all came to me as I was invited to a dinner for survivors through Relay for Life and let me just say I was so proud to be called a survivor and to be in the company of so many with such amazing courage. There were survivors there that had now survived the big C for more than 40 years!!!! I have to tell you...that alone has given me so much hope. The dinner was amazing and I am so thankful I was invited. I have to tell you a little story behind this ...throughout my fight with cancer my mom kept telling me about this friend of hers, Mary Kay (so sorry if the spelling is wrong) that had put me on her prayer list, asked about me each time they met and was following my blog religiously... Each time mom would tell me about her ..my momma's eyes would just light up and I could tell what an inspiration she was and already had been to so many and to my mom. Well Mary Kay was the MC at the dinner last night and now I know first hand why my Momma's eyes light up each time she talks about her.. This woman is amazing... The best way to describe her is a walking, talking, breathing light of hope... she is a tiny woman, but so large is spirit!!!! You can see her from across any room ...she truly stands out in a crowd... so funny how God puts people in your path... this is one.... that I can tell you... I am so glad to know and so thankful I finally got to meet. Thank you Mary Kay for your relentless and dedicated commitment in shining a beam of light for others to see and feel... You are truly inspirational and I can't wait to see you again on the 29th. It was mentioned at the dinner last night that so many refrain from donating to our cause as they feel their efforts will not benefit those on a local level, but what they don't realize is that when you donate to the American Cancer Society it does help those locally and all across this great country. It helps so many is so many ways..way too many to mention here. Please.. help us fight this nasty disease and donate today.. even if you can't donate money donate your time... there are so many ways that we can make a difference. For just $5.00 you can purchase what they call a luminaria in honor of or in memory of a friend or loved one who has had cancer. Your contribution will help save lives, give hope, and empower people through the American Cancer Society and its lifesaving mission. Follow these simple steps to purchase a luminaria online....
1. Go to www.relayforlife.org/charltonga
2. On left side of page click on - Relay Teams
3. Click on - City of Folkston
4. Click on the Red Arrow next to Luminaria
5. Fill in the little form for each bag you'd like to purchase and add to cart.
6. You'll fill in all your info from there
What a wonderful way to pay tribute to those we know and love that have had to battle this horrible disease.
I will finish up now by saying that it wasn't until last night that I really realized what my blog was doing for some... I had actually fooled myself into believing that as my battle with cancer was ending that so too would end the interest in the story of my ongoing fight to stay cancer free....well I was made very aware last night that this could not be further from the truth ...that as long as there is something to say there are those who want to listen... WOW... I can't tell you how amazing that makes me feel.... sooooo from here on out I will do my very best to share with you more often the peaks and valleys in my life and hope that you too take just a little bit (or a lot) of both and use it through your peaks and valleys. I also hope that you too will share with me... tell me your story...no matter how small or large.... your story has a voice here and makes a difference.... I love you all and hope you have an amazing week... You are in my heart and prayers always!!!!!
Where to start?? It's been a while since my last blog and I have so much to catch you up on.. I left off last time with my trip to North Georgia and just let me say once more.. how amazing our "Girls Gone Gray" weekend was.. it was just what the doctor ordered. Lots of rest, relaxation, spiritual uplifting and tons of laughs..laughing truly is so good for the soul. Came back from Georgia and got back into the routine of our daily life. My friend Donna's daughter Rose had a baby girl on March 14th so up to the hospital I went to see her on the 16th. Had a great visit and really enjoy holding such a little one again. My friend Donna walked me out and right before we could walk out the door I stepped onto a very wet floor and down I went. Fell to my knees and then on to my buttocks. The fall hurt and was sore, but pretty embarrassed by this point so had them put me in a wheel chair and wheel me to a much dryer surface then got up and left. Well don't ya know two days later my wrist was throbbing so once again in the middle of the night I head up to the hospital and sure enough..I broke my wrist trying to brace my fall. After a few hours in the ER and a makeshift cast from fingers to elbow I left the hospital and went on home. By the the time I reached the house the pain in my wrist was worse than ever and that was after I had a taken a pain pill (which I do not like to take). Soooo back up to the hospital I went. Come to find out they had wrapped the cast too tight so they cut it off and wrapped another much looser this time.. Thank you Jesus... Went to my family doc on Monday the 21st just to get a referral ($30.00) and then off to the orthopedic surgeon on Wednesday the 23rd. I have to tell you by this point my spirit was all but gone...I had just gotten to a place where I was feeling so much better and felt really good about the way I looked and then boom...now I was looking at wearing a cast for goodness knows how long and/or maybe even surgery..... I prayed about it a lot and almost called my therapist a time or two as It just seemed I couldn't take much more... I did however realize that this could be so much worse and after all..... this storm too was so much smaller than my God... so off to the orthopedic surgeon we went. I hoped for the best, but feared the worst. Doc took a look at my hand and then the xrays and said okay.. we got a chip off the wrist just floating around in there so let's put a thumb spike on it for 4 weeks and see how it looks from there. Now I have to tell you the moment he brought out the thumb spike and I got a look at how mobile my hand was going to be and the fact that I could remove it each time I got into the shower and no surgery involved....just lit me up like a firecracker. My hubby said you could just see the light come back into my face. Once again our Lord picked me up, laid his hands on me and went to work... it has now been three weeks, so went back to doctor on Wednesday the 13th and everything looks great!!! Was able to take the thumb spike off and no physical therapy needed. Thank you Jesus.... I am now healed and have full use of my hand. It's a little sore, but that's to be expected. I can't tell you how wonderful I feel. Now it's back on the road to recovery for me physically and mentally and I am ready to conquer the world again. God is sooo good and I am so thankful.. Now it's time to rally the forces and work for a good cause.. Relay for Life is coming up on April 29th and I cannot wait!!! I am so excited. I do have a confession to make...throughout my ordeal with Cancer I have always been afraid to call myself a survivor..not really sure why... I guess I feared that in some way I was tempting fate ... or as my momma would say "counting my chickens before they hatch", but I have realized( thanks to Relay for Life) that it's okay to call yourself a survivor... heck it's down right therapeutic...This all came to me as I was invited to a dinner for survivors through Relay for Life and let me just say I was so proud to be called a survivor and to be in the company of so many with such amazing courage. There were survivors there that had now survived the big C for more than 40 years!!!! I have to tell you...that alone has given me so much hope. The dinner was amazing and I am so thankful I was invited. I have to tell you a little story behind this ...throughout my fight with cancer my mom kept telling me about this friend of hers, Mary Kay (so sorry if the spelling is wrong) that had put me on her prayer list, asked about me each time they met and was following my blog religiously... Each time mom would tell me about her ..my momma's eyes would just light up and I could tell what an inspiration she was and already had been to so many and to my mom. Well Mary Kay was the MC at the dinner last night and now I know first hand why my Momma's eyes light up each time she talks about her.. This woman is amazing... The best way to describe her is a walking, talking, breathing light of hope... she is a tiny woman, but so large is spirit!!!! You can see her from across any room ...she truly stands out in a crowd... so funny how God puts people in your path... this is one.... that I can tell you... I am so glad to know and so thankful I finally got to meet. Thank you Mary Kay for your relentless and dedicated commitment in shining a beam of light for others to see and feel... You are truly inspirational and I can't wait to see you again on the 29th. It was mentioned at the dinner last night that so many refrain from donating to our cause as they feel their efforts will not benefit those on a local level, but what they don't realize is that when you donate to the American Cancer Society it does help those locally and all across this great country. It helps so many is so many ways..way too many to mention here. Please.. help us fight this nasty disease and donate today.. even if you can't donate money donate your time... there are so many ways that we can make a difference. For just $5.00 you can purchase what they call a luminaria in honor of or in memory of a friend or loved one who has had cancer. Your contribution will help save lives, give hope, and empower people through the American Cancer Society and its lifesaving mission. Follow these simple steps to purchase a luminaria online....
1. Go to www.relayforlife.org/charltonga
2. On left side of page click on - Relay Teams
3. Click on - City of Folkston
4. Click on the Red Arrow next to Luminaria
5. Fill in the little form for each bag you'd like to purchase and add to cart.
6. You'll fill in all your info from there
What a wonderful way to pay tribute to those we know and love that have had to battle this horrible disease.
I will finish up now by saying that it wasn't until last night that I really realized what my blog was doing for some... I had actually fooled myself into believing that as my battle with cancer was ending that so too would end the interest in the story of my ongoing fight to stay cancer free....well I was made very aware last night that this could not be further from the truth ...that as long as there is something to say there are those who want to listen... WOW... I can't tell you how amazing that makes me feel.... sooooo from here on out I will do my very best to share with you more often the peaks and valleys in my life and hope that you too take just a little bit (or a lot) of both and use it through your peaks and valleys. I also hope that you too will share with me... tell me your story...no matter how small or large.... your story has a voice here and makes a difference.... I love you all and hope you have an amazing week... You are in my heart and prayers always!!!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
New Normal Part 2
Good morning all,
I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing great. I feel stronger and stronger every day. I just spent a week up in the North Georgia mountains with my two best girls and it was wonderful!!!! There is nothing more healing than true friendship... I love them both more than words can say. I am doing great physically. Hair is coming back pretty good. Some have even said I am starting to look like Jamie Lee Curtis which is exactly what I wanted..whooohooo... eyes are not so dark anymore. Now if I just get my teeth fixed. Made an appointment finally with my family physician for March 23rd just like Dr. Buckley (my oncologist) told me too... couple months late, but done. I have my first 3 month check up on April 11th and go for blood work sometime within the next two weeks.Now all I need to do is make an appointment with the dentist which I am dreading and take care of my vision as well... wow sounds like I am falling apart, but I'm really not..just ready to take care of myself and be the best that I can be. I am still seeing my therapist once every two weeks. It seems to be going ok. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting his time as we talk about every day things which I should be able to handle on my own. will continue to go for now and see where it leads. Everything is pretty quiet now and I do enjoy the peace that seems to be settling in.. I pray a lot and look to him for guidance. God is so good. If I only had the time to tell you of all the miracles I have seen and heard lately. He is an amazing God!!!! Well better go for now.. I am meeting my daughter for breakfast this morning and then off to grocery shop.. yeah me.. Tomorrow is my Lil Man's Birthday and I am so thankful to be here to celebrate it with him.. I love you all!!!! Have a great weekend!!!
I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing great. I feel stronger and stronger every day. I just spent a week up in the North Georgia mountains with my two best girls and it was wonderful!!!! There is nothing more healing than true friendship... I love them both more than words can say. I am doing great physically. Hair is coming back pretty good. Some have even said I am starting to look like Jamie Lee Curtis which is exactly what I wanted..whooohooo... eyes are not so dark anymore. Now if I just get my teeth fixed. Made an appointment finally with my family physician for March 23rd just like Dr. Buckley (my oncologist) told me too... couple months late, but done. I have my first 3 month check up on April 11th and go for blood work sometime within the next two weeks.Now all I need to do is make an appointment with the dentist which I am dreading and take care of my vision as well... wow sounds like I am falling apart, but I'm really not..just ready to take care of myself and be the best that I can be. I am still seeing my therapist once every two weeks. It seems to be going ok. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting his time as we talk about every day things which I should be able to handle on my own. will continue to go for now and see where it leads. Everything is pretty quiet now and I do enjoy the peace that seems to be settling in.. I pray a lot and look to him for guidance. God is so good. If I only had the time to tell you of all the miracles I have seen and heard lately. He is an amazing God!!!! Well better go for now.. I am meeting my daughter for breakfast this morning and then off to grocery shop.. yeah me.. Tomorrow is my Lil Man's Birthday and I am so thankful to be here to celebrate it with him.. I love you all!!!! Have a great weekend!!!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Trying to find a New "Normal"
Hello All,
I wanted to check in and give you an update on where I am. The last time I wrote my chemo nurses were setting me up with someone to talk to about some of the things going through my head. Well they set me up with a a gentleman named Dr. Royal.I believe he specializes in cancer patients which makes me feel pretty comfortable. I went to see him Tuesday Feb 15th and it went pretty well for the most part. First appointment is always the longest. 90 minutes to put a foundation together of who I am. It was all pretty clinical on this first visit, but I guess that is to be expected. He did speak to me about a few things and gave me some ideas on how to cope for now. It all seems so strange to me that once I started to feel better physically.... BAM!!!!!! my phsycological health went tubing... The doc says this is very common in cancer patients. I guess what happens is we get so busy fighting the actual disease itself and it's physical demands that we push the physcological ones behind us. Hopefully with time and a little therapy maybe we can get back to what the doc calls a New Normal. I was looking back through my first blogs and on my very first one my girl Terrie mentioned a "New Normal" how did she know???? Anyway I am ready to get rid of these feelings of depression and anxiety and move forward. I thought about finding a support group as well. If anyone knows of one please let me know. All is going great physically with me. Seem to be getting my strength back and my hair is definitly coming back. Still not real sure of the color but looking like salt and pepper right now. Thats fine with me.. any color is better than bald.. haha I hope you all are having an amazing year so far. Write me and let me know how you are doing. God is always good!!!!!
I wanted to check in and give you an update on where I am. The last time I wrote my chemo nurses were setting me up with someone to talk to about some of the things going through my head. Well they set me up with a a gentleman named Dr. Royal.I believe he specializes in cancer patients which makes me feel pretty comfortable. I went to see him Tuesday Feb 15th and it went pretty well for the most part. First appointment is always the longest. 90 minutes to put a foundation together of who I am. It was all pretty clinical on this first visit, but I guess that is to be expected. He did speak to me about a few things and gave me some ideas on how to cope for now. It all seems so strange to me that once I started to feel better physically.... BAM!!!!!! my phsycological health went tubing... The doc says this is very common in cancer patients. I guess what happens is we get so busy fighting the actual disease itself and it's physical demands that we push the physcological ones behind us. Hopefully with time and a little therapy maybe we can get back to what the doc calls a New Normal. I was looking back through my first blogs and on my very first one my girl Terrie mentioned a "New Normal" how did she know???? Anyway I am ready to get rid of these feelings of depression and anxiety and move forward. I thought about finding a support group as well. If anyone knows of one please let me know. All is going great physically with me. Seem to be getting my strength back and my hair is definitly coming back. Still not real sure of the color but looking like salt and pepper right now. Thats fine with me.. any color is better than bald.. haha I hope you all are having an amazing year so far. Write me and let me know how you are doing. God is always good!!!!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
N.E.D Part 2
Good morning all,
I was writing in my blog the other day and was just about to finish and somehow lost the entire thing.. Can't tell you how frustrating that was but I shall try this again. After reading Part 1 to this I must say I love going on and on about crazy stuff.. please forgive me. I do need to go back and tell you about my doctor's visit and then onward from there. I went to the doc on January 3rd for my CAT Scan results and let me tell you I was pretty nervous. I felt like we would hear good news but wasn't too sure how I would handle bad news..if that were the case. Anyway as I was sitting there waiting to be called back which took almost two hours that day for some reason and up walks Mom and Dad.. I was so surprised and happy. They were there with Brian and I to share in the news good or bad. I finally got called back for the doc to exam me. Once he was finished I explained that I had family in the waiting area and that they would love to be in the room as he explained my results. Off the nurse went to get my family and fit all of us in this little small room...we all fit of course and still managed to have a seat for the doc.. lol... He explained that after looking at the cat scan and my blood work that I was now CANCER FREE.....I can't tell you how happy that made us. I am not sure I heard much of what he said after that, but I did hear that he felt so good about the cancer not coming back that he was going to let me get my port a cath out as soon as I wanted to.. I must tell you this spoke volumes as he generally likes all of his patients to keep the port in for at least a year.. I was elated!!! After lots of hugs and well wishes we left the doc office and for some reason all of sudden I had an appetite like you wouldn't believe so it was off to Denny's for us. By the time we got there I think we text everyone we knew about the good news.. My sis Lori and Darlene came up and my sis Lori somehow talked the manager into letting her bring champagne in and he poured us each a glass... we made a toast to being cancer free and had lots of laughs. It was great!!!! Once we were home I just tried to take in all the good news... how amazing our God is... I couldn't believe that I was now cancer free.. 6 months ago it felt like this day would never arrive now it's time to get back on track.. back on the track of living. My girl Terrie and I actually ended up cancelling our trip at Christmas as there were too many red flags to ignore so we planned a trip for the spring. I can't wait. It's been almost two months now since my last chemo treatment and I feel great. I went and had my port taken out yesterday which made me a little nervous but excited too. I feel pretty good.. a little sore but good. Dr. Buckley is an amazing man and although we had some reservations about a few things..... all and all its been great. As great as something like this can be. I don't think I have to tell you that this experience has changed me..it has changed others as well I am sure. I only hope it has changed them for the better. I have always said that life is short, well let me tell you I know now just how short it can be and feel so blessed that God sees a purpose for me here on earth. I am not sure of this purpose and really not sure I should know..I just know this.... whatever that purpose might be I want to make him proud and ensure that as with anyone in my life that has given me a second chance that he nor they ever regret it. I would like to tell you that now I know just how precious life is and that I plan to jump up, change my life and live it to the fullest.. yes that is what my plans are but have realized real quick that real change comes in time. I get very tired very easy and very quickly both physically and mentally. I have been told that it will take quite some time to get back all my strength physically and as far as the mental condition well lets just say that is a work in progress. I feel like right now I should be on cloud nine...with my new of being cancer free now and my port removal.. nothing should be able to get me down...unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case. I am not sure whether it's the lack of hormones now that I have had full hysterectomy or if its just that I am a little off in the head, but I do know this... something is off and I want to get it taken care of. It's strange..... I feel like for the last 6 months I have been taken care of my physical aliments and now I guess it's time to take care of the mental ones. My chemo nurses have all been angels so I gave them a call and they are hooking me up with someone that deals with cancer patients only. Just someone to talk to I guess about anything and everything.. Like I said I feel like I should be on cloud nine right now with all the blessings in my life, but for some reason can't get my head right.. anyway we shall see where it leads and hope that soon I get it all together. I have lots of plans for this year and can't wait to jump right in.. will start out slow,,but hope to pick up the pace as we get further in the year. I do want to mention that I am so blessed to have so many loved ones and friends in my life that care. Even strangers that I have never met have prayed and continue to pray for me. The support and the love I have gotten from every one of them and you has lifted me up in ways that I cannot even begin to mention here. I am not sure how anyone goes through something like this alone. One of my goals for this year is to try and reach out to those who are going through this alone and see if I can find a way to give back in some small way all that has been given to me. I love you all so very much and will try to do better about updating you. Drop me a line or two sometime and tell me about the things going on in your life. I would love to hear and help if I can.. helping others is always good for the soul. Bless you all until next time
I was writing in my blog the other day and was just about to finish and somehow lost the entire thing.. Can't tell you how frustrating that was but I shall try this again. After reading Part 1 to this I must say I love going on and on about crazy stuff.. please forgive me. I do need to go back and tell you about my doctor's visit and then onward from there. I went to the doc on January 3rd for my CAT Scan results and let me tell you I was pretty nervous. I felt like we would hear good news but wasn't too sure how I would handle bad news..if that were the case. Anyway as I was sitting there waiting to be called back which took almost two hours that day for some reason and up walks Mom and Dad.. I was so surprised and happy. They were there with Brian and I to share in the news good or bad. I finally got called back for the doc to exam me. Once he was finished I explained that I had family in the waiting area and that they would love to be in the room as he explained my results. Off the nurse went to get my family and fit all of us in this little small room...we all fit of course and still managed to have a seat for the doc.. lol... He explained that after looking at the cat scan and my blood work that I was now CANCER FREE.....I can't tell you how happy that made us. I am not sure I heard much of what he said after that, but I did hear that he felt so good about the cancer not coming back that he was going to let me get my port a cath out as soon as I wanted to.. I must tell you this spoke volumes as he generally likes all of his patients to keep the port in for at least a year.. I was elated!!! After lots of hugs and well wishes we left the doc office and for some reason all of sudden I had an appetite like you wouldn't believe so it was off to Denny's for us. By the time we got there I think we text everyone we knew about the good news.. My sis Lori and Darlene came up and my sis Lori somehow talked the manager into letting her bring champagne in and he poured us each a glass... we made a toast to being cancer free and had lots of laughs. It was great!!!! Once we were home I just tried to take in all the good news... how amazing our God is... I couldn't believe that I was now cancer free.. 6 months ago it felt like this day would never arrive now it's time to get back on track.. back on the track of living. My girl Terrie and I actually ended up cancelling our trip at Christmas as there were too many red flags to ignore so we planned a trip for the spring. I can't wait. It's been almost two months now since my last chemo treatment and I feel great. I went and had my port taken out yesterday which made me a little nervous but excited too. I feel pretty good.. a little sore but good. Dr. Buckley is an amazing man and although we had some reservations about a few things..... all and all its been great. As great as something like this can be. I don't think I have to tell you that this experience has changed me..it has changed others as well I am sure. I only hope it has changed them for the better. I have always said that life is short, well let me tell you I know now just how short it can be and feel so blessed that God sees a purpose for me here on earth. I am not sure of this purpose and really not sure I should know..I just know this.... whatever that purpose might be I want to make him proud and ensure that as with anyone in my life that has given me a second chance that he nor they ever regret it. I would like to tell you that now I know just how precious life is and that I plan to jump up, change my life and live it to the fullest.. yes that is what my plans are but have realized real quick that real change comes in time. I get very tired very easy and very quickly both physically and mentally. I have been told that it will take quite some time to get back all my strength physically and as far as the mental condition well lets just say that is a work in progress. I feel like right now I should be on cloud nine...with my new of being cancer free now and my port removal.. nothing should be able to get me down...unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case. I am not sure whether it's the lack of hormones now that I have had full hysterectomy or if its just that I am a little off in the head, but I do know this... something is off and I want to get it taken care of. It's strange..... I feel like for the last 6 months I have been taken care of my physical aliments and now I guess it's time to take care of the mental ones. My chemo nurses have all been angels so I gave them a call and they are hooking me up with someone that deals with cancer patients only. Just someone to talk to I guess about anything and everything.. Like I said I feel like I should be on cloud nine right now with all the blessings in my life, but for some reason can't get my head right.. anyway we shall see where it leads and hope that soon I get it all together. I have lots of plans for this year and can't wait to jump right in.. will start out slow,,but hope to pick up the pace as we get further in the year. I do want to mention that I am so blessed to have so many loved ones and friends in my life that care. Even strangers that I have never met have prayed and continue to pray for me. The support and the love I have gotten from every one of them and you has lifted me up in ways that I cannot even begin to mention here. I am not sure how anyone goes through something like this alone. One of my goals for this year is to try and reach out to those who are going through this alone and see if I can find a way to give back in some small way all that has been given to me. I love you all so very much and will try to do better about updating you. Drop me a line or two sometime and tell me about the things going on in your life. I would love to hear and help if I can.. helping others is always good for the soul. Bless you all until next time
Friday, January 7, 2011
N.E.D Part 1
Hello All,
First let me start by telling everyone I went to the Doctor on Monday for my CAT Scan test results and guess what it now says in my chart???? N.E.D!!! For those who don't know that stands for NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE.. That's right I am now Cancer Free!!!!!! Whoohoooo .. I will come back to that news later in in my blog, but just had to start with that. I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Holiday. Ours was filled with blessings beyond compare. It's been 30 days now since my last Chemo treatment and I feel great. The taste in my mouth is just about gone. Every now and again I get that bad taste in my mouth but not often and food is really starting to taste good again. This could be a good and a bad thing as I seem to have no trouble gaining back all the weight I lost since surgery. I feel like I want to eat everything in sight. It is funny though as I never really lost my appetite during chemo, I just couldn't eat because of the taste in my mouth. I have heard others talk about a metallic taste...but mine was nothing like that. It was just this bad horrible taste along with swollen cheeks, tongue and gums. The fur feeling inside my mouth was the worst I think, but that's all over now and the mouth is doing great. I did lose half of my front tooth Christmas Eve which was pretty upsetting to me. As always though my husband Brian and my daughter Courtney insisted that I was still beautiful with or without half of my front tooth and were adamant about putting me back in the Christmas spirit. Now for those of you who didn't know, my girl Terrie and I had a trip planned to LaGrange the day after Christmas so that we could spend part of Christmas together. First we would make our way to Pa Bob's house for the Reeves family Christmas and then off to her son's house for the Cagle family Christmas. We were so excited about this trip and had been planning it for what seemed to be an eternity. Everything was all set. I was getting better every day it seemed and all I needed was for Terrie to meet me there. Well a few days before our trip I really started to feel tired and weak again.. it struck me as strange that I could get tired so quickly and this worried me a little as the drive to LaGrange is almost a 6 hours, but I pushed along and told myself I would be fine just eat right, get lots of rest and pray ..pray...pray.. so here we are all ready to go and then the night before Christmas half my tooth falls out... well needless to say that on top of being upset about what I looked like now I must decide whether or not I should still go to LaGrange looking like this. Well it really didn't take long as I knew I could in no way tell everyone I wasn't coming because my tooth fell out. They would have come to Yulee, hog tied me and drug me all the way to LaGrange, so I decided I would not cancel my trip, but just try to keep a tight lip as I spoke to anyone and maybe I could cover my mouth when bursting out with laughter as there is always lots of laughter when I am with Terrie's family. I will admit Christmas Eve was not looking too good though.. even after deciding that I would still make the trip I was horrified at the thought of everyone seeing me like this.. I tried hard, but just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I was really starting to look like a monster now. No hair, a face that had seemed to age 20 years in 4 months time and now my front teeth falling out. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself and wondering how would I go out of the house like this???? In walks my grand babies Bryce and Brylee and behind them my Daughter Mandy and her Husband Johnny.. I know my face lit up the whole room.. just to see my babies.. oh how it made my heart feel so wonderful. My grand babies can truly turn my worst days into the best days .. they make me feel a joy that is just unexplainable.. now after about 30 minutes of watching my little darlings run around my house my daughter gives me the best Christmas gift ever.. she looks at me and says "Momma.. we have decided that we are going to stay here with you tonight, Christmas Eve, so that you can watch your grand babies wake up on Christmas morning and open their gifts under the tree" I cannot tell you what that did for me.. at that very moment and for the rest of the night It didn't matter how many teeth I was missing in my mouth.. My grand babies were going to be with me on Christmas eve and Christmas morning and nothing could top that!!!! What a blessing.. You know..through this entire ordeal God always seems to find a way to bless me even in my darkest hour...Words cannot explain what a wonderful God he is and just how amazing he has been to me and my family. Okay I have way too much to say and not enough time to say it in so I will stop for now, but I will continue this weekend. Wow I could write forever.. love you all
First let me start by telling everyone I went to the Doctor on Monday for my CAT Scan test results and guess what it now says in my chart???? N.E.D!!! For those who don't know that stands for NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE.. That's right I am now Cancer Free!!!!!! Whoohoooo .. I will come back to that news later in in my blog, but just had to start with that. I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Holiday. Ours was filled with blessings beyond compare. It's been 30 days now since my last Chemo treatment and I feel great. The taste in my mouth is just about gone. Every now and again I get that bad taste in my mouth but not often and food is really starting to taste good again. This could be a good and a bad thing as I seem to have no trouble gaining back all the weight I lost since surgery. I feel like I want to eat everything in sight. It is funny though as I never really lost my appetite during chemo, I just couldn't eat because of the taste in my mouth. I have heard others talk about a metallic taste...but mine was nothing like that. It was just this bad horrible taste along with swollen cheeks, tongue and gums. The fur feeling inside my mouth was the worst I think, but that's all over now and the mouth is doing great. I did lose half of my front tooth Christmas Eve which was pretty upsetting to me. As always though my husband Brian and my daughter Courtney insisted that I was still beautiful with or without half of my front tooth and were adamant about putting me back in the Christmas spirit. Now for those of you who didn't know, my girl Terrie and I had a trip planned to LaGrange the day after Christmas so that we could spend part of Christmas together. First we would make our way to Pa Bob's house for the Reeves family Christmas and then off to her son's house for the Cagle family Christmas. We were so excited about this trip and had been planning it for what seemed to be an eternity. Everything was all set. I was getting better every day it seemed and all I needed was for Terrie to meet me there. Well a few days before our trip I really started to feel tired and weak again.. it struck me as strange that I could get tired so quickly and this worried me a little as the drive to LaGrange is almost a 6 hours, but I pushed along and told myself I would be fine just eat right, get lots of rest and pray ..pray...pray.. so here we are all ready to go and then the night before Christmas half my tooth falls out... well needless to say that on top of being upset about what I looked like now I must decide whether or not I should still go to LaGrange looking like this. Well it really didn't take long as I knew I could in no way tell everyone I wasn't coming because my tooth fell out. They would have come to Yulee, hog tied me and drug me all the way to LaGrange, so I decided I would not cancel my trip, but just try to keep a tight lip as I spoke to anyone and maybe I could cover my mouth when bursting out with laughter as there is always lots of laughter when I am with Terrie's family. I will admit Christmas Eve was not looking too good though.. even after deciding that I would still make the trip I was horrified at the thought of everyone seeing me like this.. I tried hard, but just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I was really starting to look like a monster now. No hair, a face that had seemed to age 20 years in 4 months time and now my front teeth falling out. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself and wondering how would I go out of the house like this???? In walks my grand babies Bryce and Brylee and behind them my Daughter Mandy and her Husband Johnny.. I know my face lit up the whole room.. just to see my babies.. oh how it made my heart feel so wonderful. My grand babies can truly turn my worst days into the best days .. they make me feel a joy that is just unexplainable.. now after about 30 minutes of watching my little darlings run around my house my daughter gives me the best Christmas gift ever.. she looks at me and says "Momma.. we have decided that we are going to stay here with you tonight, Christmas Eve, so that you can watch your grand babies wake up on Christmas morning and open their gifts under the tree" I cannot tell you what that did for me.. at that very moment and for the rest of the night It didn't matter how many teeth I was missing in my mouth.. My grand babies were going to be with me on Christmas eve and Christmas morning and nothing could top that!!!! What a blessing.. You know..through this entire ordeal God always seems to find a way to bless me even in my darkest hour...Words cannot explain what a wonderful God he is and just how amazing he has been to me and my family. Okay I have way too much to say and not enough time to say it in so I will stop for now, but I will continue this weekend. Wow I could write forever.. love you all
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Chemo Treat # 6 Day 14
Hello everyone. I am so sorry that I have not updated in quite some time. So much going on. I made it through my last chemo treatment whoohoooo!!! The side effects were not too bad. They were actually no better than before, but no worse either. Went through all the things I normally do. Stayed in bed most of the weekend that week and on Monday. Went back to work on that Tuesday and did great. Each day I seem to get better and better. I still get pretty tired pretty quick, but hope that in time that will go away too. I went and had blood drawn on December 16th and they found that my platelets were low so they told me to keep any eye on things. Not a real big deal just want to be cautious. I went and had my blood drawn again this morning and hope the platelets are back up where they need to be. This month is flying by. I go for my CAT Scan next Wednesday the 29th and then my results on January 3rd. Praying they come back clean and then it's onward and upward from there. I am so excited about tasting food again. My mouth gets better every day and just knowing I won't have to go through that week to week and a half of yucky tasting food thrills me. I feel like I want to eat everything in site. haha I am looking so forward to the Holidays with my family and friends. I hope you all have a safe and wonderful Christmas and a very Blessed New Year. Life is so good and I give thanks to all of you and our Good Lord above. He has been so amazing to me. I have never seen so many blessings.. I will try to keep you updated better than I have been. Look for the next update to be sometime around 01/03/2011 or sooner. Merry Christmas all.. May we always remember the real reason for the season....
Each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ's gift.--Ephesians 4:7
P.S. I would like to mention that on Tuesday December 21st, we lost a friend of mine Norman Crews. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor and was given 6 months to live, but only made it 4 days after diagnosis. I know he is with God now and will suffer no more. Physically or emotionally. I rejoice for him and cry for us here on earth as he will be missed dearly. God Bless Norman..may you rest in peace now and forevermore.
Each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ's gift.--Ephesians 4:7
P.S. I would like to mention that on Tuesday December 21st, we lost a friend of mine Norman Crews. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor and was given 6 months to live, but only made it 4 days after diagnosis. I know he is with God now and will suffer no more. Physically or emotionally. I rejoice for him and cry for us here on earth as he will be missed dearly. God Bless Norman..may you rest in peace now and forevermore.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Chemo Treat # 6 Our last one!!!! Whoohoooo
Good morning all, well as you can see I spoke with the doc and he felt it was necessary to do the last treatment. I am now hooked up and pre meds are flowing in. I pray pray pray... that all goes well and we get over the hump by Tuesday. That would be so good. Pre meds always make me feel goofy in the head, but don't have to drive so that's a good thing. I didn't get the chair I always have, this time, but it;s the next best one so no complaints here. Just found out that I go for my CAT Scan on 12/29 and to the doc on 01/03/11 for the results. I was really hoping to have the results by year end, but will just have to go with it. I definitely want to keep all positive thoughts in and around me.. Taxotere going in now.. whooohooo. Feeling a little nausea now, but ok. They keep it nice and cold in here which really is a good thing.. don't want to get too hot in here. Wow.. I was just sitting here thinking back to when I was diagnosed and how far away December 8th seemed at the time... Now of course looking back it seemed to take no time at all... God has been so good to me. I can't tell you all of the prayers I feel on a daily basis. You have all been so amazing. I plan to continue by blog for quite some time after my cancer free diagnoses on the 3rd of January so please stay tuned in. If you ever have a problem or something weighing heavy on your mind ..or even good news that you want to share please comment here.. I will do my very best to help in any way I can. I really want to give so much of what I have been given back. I truly believe that 2011 will present a new Diane. A new and improved version.. One that pays it forward on a consistent basis and really truly enjoys each day to the fullest. I want to smell the coffee and the roses each day and toss the drama and negative vibes that try to reach inside. I want to hug my loved ones and friends tighter then ever before and take great comfort in their warm soft kisses on my cheeks. I want to pull my babies close and never let go.. I wanna laugh, love and dance more than I ever have and most of all I want to praise his name each and every day and dedicate myself to him more than ever before.. His amazing blessings and miracles are a true testament to what our God can do when you have faith and believe.. I truly am so very blessed. Well they are hooking m up to the carboplatin now so as soon as we finish that we are out of here.. Amen .. I will stop for now, but hope to update you soon.. I love you all so very much. Your comments and loving support mean so much to me. Be back soon.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Chemo Treat # 5 Day 18
Good morning all,
What a week... where to start??? Ok on Monday I called the Doc and explained to him what I thought was going on concerning the side effects of the Neropathy meds. He told me to stop taking the meds immediately. I explained that I was worried about just stopping suddenly as I had to be weaned on slowly and wasn't sure of the effects if I just stopped suddenly. He explained (through the chemo nurse) that it was ok considering the side effects I was having from taking the meds. So I stopped immediately on Monday. I felt ok, but very tired. I woke up on Tuesday and was still very tired, but seemed to be getting a clear head again. Work was very stressful for me Tuesday and physically something just didn't feel right. I was clear headed, but tired, weak and very irritable (my poor family). I didn't sleep at all Tuesday night. I felt very emotional, restless and started breaking out in cold sweats. I got up Wednesday morning and knew there was no way I could make it into work feeling the way I was. I crawled back into bed and commenced to crying and sleeping most of the day. My husband the angel that he is looked up the effects of coming off of the Gabapentin so quickly and sure enough.. sweats, anxiety, restlessness oh and did I mention seizures?? Needless to say both my hubby and I were pretty worried at this point. Brian left for work and had Courtney keep an eye on me. I slept most of the day on Wednesday, waking up only to eat and or cry a little. Once Brian got home that night I seemed to be getting a little better. I was upset, but felt better physically. I went to work on Thursday and had a pretty good day. I felt myself getting better and better. Friday was good..pretty tired, but felt the best I had in a while. Saturday I got up and went shopping with Mom.. had a great morning, but as always I was pretty warn out by the time we got home. Brian spent all day putting Christmas lights up in the yard. I know he did it all for me. He is such an amazing man. Today I feel good. I almost feel like I have some energy. Gonna try to rest today though. Plan to do a little laundry and watch some football. Now that I am off the Gabapentin, I can feel the Neuropathy coming back, but I am willing to deal with it as the medication is no longer an option. We have a long week a head and hope to have my last Chemo treat on Wednesday. I have an appointment with the Doc tomorrow and will talk to him about all that I have been through and whether or not this last treatment is worth it. It seems each treatment takes a little more out of me each time and it gets tougher to bounce back. Honestly it's hard to say whether or not I should have this last one. On one hand I feel like we have come this far why should we quit right at the end and on the other hand I worry about how bad the effects from this last treatment will be. I really believe that the medication had a lot to do with both my physical and mental issues and hope that we have seen the last of those issues. There really is no sure way of knowing I guess until I talk to the Doc tomorrow. My schedule for the week is this as of today.. Doc appt tomorrow, Chemo on Wednesday and Neulasta shot on Thursday. If that changes after Doc appt tomorrow I will let you know. Please pray we find the right answers and get through whatever lies ahead quickly. I feel your prayers and support every day and thank each and every one of you so very much. Have a great week and know that I love you all.
What a week... where to start??? Ok on Monday I called the Doc and explained to him what I thought was going on concerning the side effects of the Neropathy meds. He told me to stop taking the meds immediately. I explained that I was worried about just stopping suddenly as I had to be weaned on slowly and wasn't sure of the effects if I just stopped suddenly. He explained (through the chemo nurse) that it was ok considering the side effects I was having from taking the meds. So I stopped immediately on Monday. I felt ok, but very tired. I woke up on Tuesday and was still very tired, but seemed to be getting a clear head again. Work was very stressful for me Tuesday and physically something just didn't feel right. I was clear headed, but tired, weak and very irritable (my poor family). I didn't sleep at all Tuesday night. I felt very emotional, restless and started breaking out in cold sweats. I got up Wednesday morning and knew there was no way I could make it into work feeling the way I was. I crawled back into bed and commenced to crying and sleeping most of the day. My husband the angel that he is looked up the effects of coming off of the Gabapentin so quickly and sure enough.. sweats, anxiety, restlessness oh and did I mention seizures?? Needless to say both my hubby and I were pretty worried at this point. Brian left for work and had Courtney keep an eye on me. I slept most of the day on Wednesday, waking up only to eat and or cry a little. Once Brian got home that night I seemed to be getting a little better. I was upset, but felt better physically. I went to work on Thursday and had a pretty good day. I felt myself getting better and better. Friday was good..pretty tired, but felt the best I had in a while. Saturday I got up and went shopping with Mom.. had a great morning, but as always I was pretty warn out by the time we got home. Brian spent all day putting Christmas lights up in the yard. I know he did it all for me. He is such an amazing man. Today I feel good. I almost feel like I have some energy. Gonna try to rest today though. Plan to do a little laundry and watch some football. Now that I am off the Gabapentin, I can feel the Neuropathy coming back, but I am willing to deal with it as the medication is no longer an option. We have a long week a head and hope to have my last Chemo treat on Wednesday. I have an appointment with the Doc tomorrow and will talk to him about all that I have been through and whether or not this last treatment is worth it. It seems each treatment takes a little more out of me each time and it gets tougher to bounce back. Honestly it's hard to say whether or not I should have this last one. On one hand I feel like we have come this far why should we quit right at the end and on the other hand I worry about how bad the effects from this last treatment will be. I really believe that the medication had a lot to do with both my physical and mental issues and hope that we have seen the last of those issues. There really is no sure way of knowing I guess until I talk to the Doc tomorrow. My schedule for the week is this as of today.. Doc appt tomorrow, Chemo on Wednesday and Neulasta shot on Thursday. If that changes after Doc appt tomorrow I will let you know. Please pray we find the right answers and get through whatever lies ahead quickly. I feel your prayers and support every day and thank each and every one of you so very much. Have a great week and know that I love you all.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Chemo Treat # 5 Day 11
Good morning all... I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend. I know I did. I feel great and getting better each day. Thanksgiving day was wonderful. I was able to eat and everything tasted wonderful. No bad taste in my mouth or signs of thrush like I had before. This new mouth wash they gave me seems to be working great. It is a combination of Lidocaine/Benadryl/Maalox which I swish and spit 4 times a day. I still seem to go through the symptoms, but the wash helps me manage them tremendously. Had a great day on Friday. Felt good so decided to go in to town with my hubby and eat lunch. It was so nice we just took our time and enjoyed the peace. Came home, rested some and then went to bingo. We didn't win, but had a great time with Donna, my sis Lori and my Nephew Dillon. I love bingo!!!! Saturday went good as well. My Daughter Mandy and I went up to St. Mary's to have breakfast and enjoyed some momma/daughter time.. I love having one on one time with everyone. I did realize though that driving is becoming more and more difficult. Was worried enough that I talked to my hubby Brian about it and we decided that I would try driving into work on Monday and if I am still having problems we would need to seek some alternatives. Well after talking about it I decided this morning to look up the side effects for the new medicine they gave me to help with my Neuropathy. Guess what???? Everything I have been feeling.. dizziness, drowsiness, weakness, shaking of a part of your body that you cannot control (my hand that morning driving into work) blurred vision, unsteadiness, memory problems, dry mouth, all of it are side effects from the Gabapentin which I take for my Neuropathy. I can't tell you how relieved I was. I now know what is causing me to feel the way I have been lately which is half the battle. Now that I am aware of what the cause is I plan to call my doc on Monday to set up an appointment and talk to him about this so he can let me know how we should move forward. I really feel so much better now that I know why I have been feeling this way. Well Thanksgiving has come and gone and now it's time to get ready for Christmas and my last chemo treatment. I am so excited. When all of this started back in June I never thought we would get here and look now.. Please pray that my last chemo treat goes great and we bounce back quickly and that all my tests come back negative.. whoopeee that would make me and all of you so happy!!! I bet you can guess whats on my Christmas list this year.. I love you all and hope you have an amazing week!!!!!!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Chemo Treat # 5 Day 8
Good morning all..Let me start by saying Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. It has been a pretty crazy 8 days. Let's see Chemo went well. Felt a little sick on Thursday, but managed to go to work then went and got my Neulasta shot. Felt pretty weak on Friday, but had a wonderful day with my sis Lori. She came and spent the day with me. We watched Steel Magnolias which she had never seen before and we laughed some and cried some.. It was amazing. Had wonderful talks and just enjoyed our time together. This Ovarian Cancer has changed a lot of things in my life. Some changes not so good and some oh sooo good. I can't believe how much closer it has brought me and my family and my friends. It is so amazing. Words cannot explain how wonderful they make me feel inside. Thank you so much sis for taking the day off to sit with me. Our time together is so precious to me. Friday night was not a good night. I woke up at 2:30am and never went back to bed until 5:00pm Saturday night. This cancer has definitely taught me one thing.. Life stops for no one.. as with anyone you still have to deal with the day to day problems. We made it through though thank you God. I also learned though that this chemo is pretty tough stuff and if you dare not get the rest you need it will rare it's ugly head and let you know real quick. So off to bed I went on Saturday night. Woke up at 4am on Sunday and felt pretty bad. Very nausea, weak and out of it. I stayed in bed most of the day Sunday, until that night when I felt pretty bad. Brian bless his heart tried to sooth me the best way he knew how and insisted we take a temp reading just in case. Sure enough I had a fever of 100.0. At least now we knew what we were dealing with so took some Tylenol and laid back down and covered up like an Eskimo. Within 30 minutes my fever broke thank you Jesus and I slept for the remainder of the night. I spent most of Monday in bed. No more pain in my joints (really think the aches this time were not due to the chemo but actually from the fever) felt pretty weak though all day Monday. Tried to eat what I could on Monday in order to gain strength so I could go to work on Tuesday. I have become very adamant about making myself go to work on the Tuesday following chemo no matter how I feel. In the past it just seems to help me get over the hump. I have to admit though I was pretty worried about whether or not I would make it this time. Woke up on Tuesday and still felt pretty weak. I made myself get in the shower which for me was pretty tough as I hadn't managed to stand for more than 2 to 3 minutes over a 3 day span. I did well though. Got in, took a quick shower, got myself dressed and was determined to get to work. As I sat and drank my coffee that morning I was pretty worried about the drive in to work. My commute to work is at least an hour at best so this was quite a challenge for me. I prayed about it and asked God to lead the way. Tell me Lord.. is this a challenge best suited for another day or can we do this today???? I really wasn't sure, but drank the rest of my coffee and waited for his reply. Well as always he replied swiftly.. as I was drinking the last bit of my coffee I decided to open some email .. including my daily word for the day....and there it was.. there was the answer to my prayer.. The grace of God is upon me.
The grace of God is upon me, enabling me to meet every challenge and condition graciously. Knowing this, I rely on God's strength for the serenity to see me through every difficulty. It is God's power that gives me the ability to be gracious at all times, in all circumstances.
The grace of God is upon me, therefore, I no longer fear illness or accident, lack or limitation of any kind. The grace of God fills me with the assurance that God-life in me is perfecting every cell and every function of my body. My role is to believe and act accordingly.
The grace of God is upon me. In this knowing I am free from worry, free from discontent. I am free to be loving, kind and happy, free to enjoy every day of my life.
All of you share in God's grace.--Philippians 1:7
Now I have to ask you...Does it get much plainer than that????? I could not believe how quick and direct his response was.. (what an amazing God we have) so off to work I went. I made it to work safe and sound and I will tell you he drove my truck that morning. He took the wheel and lead me safely to where I should be. Things were slow at first that morning, but after a while I felt the strength building in me and sure enough I made it through the day and back home again. What a day!!! Wednesday morning I got up and felt so much better. I was so excited about Thanksgiving and spending time with family. Took my meds and off to Lab Corp I went as it was time for blood work. As I was driving this feeling came over me.. I started feeling tight pressure in my head and my right hand started jumping uncontrollably. I pulled over to the side of the road and by the time I got to the side of the road, the feeling stopped and so did the jumping. I felt ok so started back on the road, got to Lab Corp ok, shook it off as just a side effect of the chemo and on to work I went. I got to work and felt a little off, but not enough to say anything to anyone. As the day went on though I seemed to notice certain things that concerned me so I figured I better tell someone. I talked to my sis Leigh who thank God works with me and she determined that it was time to call the doc. So I called the doc and he seemed pretty concerned so off to the hospital I went. Now here we are it's the day before thanksgiving and now all my friends and family are worried to pieces.. this part bothers me quite a bit. I do not like to worry my family or friends like this as they have plenty going on in their lives and just the cancer it self worries them enough, but anyway it was out of my hands now. The Doctor at Baptist South decided we needed to run all kinds of tests. They ran an EKG, a Chest Xray, a CAT scan and an MRI.. Let me tell you anywhere else and I would have been there all night, but not this place I was in and out of those tests in no time.. had all the tests run and now just waiting for the results. Well just let me say Thank you once again Jesus.. everything came back great!!!!! No signs of a stroke or anything strange that would cause concern. I received my discharge papers and we were out of there by 5:00pm. Once again our God had carried me through. What we did learn at the hospital (which I really knew already, but didn't take as seriously as I should) was that you don't mess around with chemo... if you do not get the rest that is needed it will put you down quickly. So as I guess you can imagine it's nothing but rest rest rest for me for at least the next four days. Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. First and foremost I am so thankful to be able to spend this Thanksgiving with my family and friends. This will be one of the best Thanksgivings ever as I will take time to enjoy each and every moment ...and savor my time with those I love and those that love me.. that's what it's all about for me now.. enjoying each moment I have with those that I love and care about.. I truly am so thankful.. you just cannot believe how wonderful the people in my life are. God has surrounded me with best of the best... and to him I give all the praise and all the glory for without him and all the blessings he has bestowed upon me I am nothing... Today and every day I give thanks..... I love you all and pray that each and every one of you have a safe and blessed Thanksgiving.
The grace of God is upon me, enabling me to meet every challenge and condition graciously. Knowing this, I rely on God's strength for the serenity to see me through every difficulty. It is God's power that gives me the ability to be gracious at all times, in all circumstances.
The grace of God is upon me, therefore, I no longer fear illness or accident, lack or limitation of any kind. The grace of God fills me with the assurance that God-life in me is perfecting every cell and every function of my body. My role is to believe and act accordingly.
The grace of God is upon me. In this knowing I am free from worry, free from discontent. I am free to be loving, kind and happy, free to enjoy every day of my life.
All of you share in God's grace.--Philippians 1:7
Now I have to ask you...Does it get much plainer than that????? I could not believe how quick and direct his response was.. (what an amazing God we have) so off to work I went. I made it to work safe and sound and I will tell you he drove my truck that morning. He took the wheel and lead me safely to where I should be. Things were slow at first that morning, but after a while I felt the strength building in me and sure enough I made it through the day and back home again. What a day!!! Wednesday morning I got up and felt so much better. I was so excited about Thanksgiving and spending time with family. Took my meds and off to Lab Corp I went as it was time for blood work. As I was driving this feeling came over me.. I started feeling tight pressure in my head and my right hand started jumping uncontrollably. I pulled over to the side of the road and by the time I got to the side of the road, the feeling stopped and so did the jumping. I felt ok so started back on the road, got to Lab Corp ok, shook it off as just a side effect of the chemo and on to work I went. I got to work and felt a little off, but not enough to say anything to anyone. As the day went on though I seemed to notice certain things that concerned me so I figured I better tell someone. I talked to my sis Leigh who thank God works with me and she determined that it was time to call the doc. So I called the doc and he seemed pretty concerned so off to the hospital I went. Now here we are it's the day before thanksgiving and now all my friends and family are worried to pieces.. this part bothers me quite a bit. I do not like to worry my family or friends like this as they have plenty going on in their lives and just the cancer it self worries them enough, but anyway it was out of my hands now. The Doctor at Baptist South decided we needed to run all kinds of tests. They ran an EKG, a Chest Xray, a CAT scan and an MRI.. Let me tell you anywhere else and I would have been there all night, but not this place I was in and out of those tests in no time.. had all the tests run and now just waiting for the results. Well just let me say Thank you once again Jesus.. everything came back great!!!!! No signs of a stroke or anything strange that would cause concern. I received my discharge papers and we were out of there by 5:00pm. Once again our God had carried me through. What we did learn at the hospital (which I really knew already, but didn't take as seriously as I should) was that you don't mess around with chemo... if you do not get the rest that is needed it will put you down quickly. So as I guess you can imagine it's nothing but rest rest rest for me for at least the next four days. Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. First and foremost I am so thankful to be able to spend this Thanksgiving with my family and friends. This will be one of the best Thanksgivings ever as I will take time to enjoy each and every moment ...and savor my time with those I love and those that love me.. that's what it's all about for me now.. enjoying each moment I have with those that I love and care about.. I truly am so thankful.. you just cannot believe how wonderful the people in my life are. God has surrounded me with best of the best... and to him I give all the praise and all the glory for without him and all the blessings he has bestowed upon me I am nothing... Today and every day I give thanks..... I love you all and pray that each and every one of you have a safe and blessed Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Chemo Treat # 5
Good morning all, well I am all set up in my favorite chair this morning and all is well so far. Felt very jittery this morning, lite headed and very edgy. I took my steroids last night then anti nausea this morning with a Adivan to calm me this morning. Been real emotional this morning for some reason. Can't seem to stop crying. Hope to get past that soon. Everything going in fine. putting taxotere in now then the carbplatin here in a little bit then I can go home. Felling pretty good for the most part just gotta pump myself up more mentally.. I am praying that he give me courage and strength... please lord.. gotta find a way to dry up these tears.. Better go for now.. I love you all and will try top update when I can.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Chemo Treat # 4 Day 19
Good morning all, I have to make this quick as I don't have much time this morning. Was hoping to post an update yesterday, but didn't get a chance to. This should be a pretty busy week. First let me start by saying I feel great! I always do right before my next chemo treat. Today I have my doc appt at 2pm so I will go to work half day then off to see the doc. Pray that the blood test came back great and we stay right on schedule for my 5th treatment. Tuesday is work all day and eat eat eat.. all the things I can as the bad taste in my mouth will be back soon. Going to talk to doc today to see if there is a way to prevent the thrush instead of waiting for it to get here. Wednesday is my 5th chemo treat at 8:45am. Thursday I will go into work and leave around 2:30pm to go get my Neulasta shot. Everyone knows how much I love that. Then Friday I will stay at home and rest rest rest. My sister Lori will be coming to sit with me on Friday. I am so blessed to have so many that care and are willing to do so much. Thank you sis.. Well I better go for now.. I am sorry this one is so short, but will try to update a little better in a few days. I hope you all have a great week!!! After this treatment we only have 1 more to go...Praise God!!!! I love you all!!!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Chemo Treat # 4 Day 11
Good morning all... How is everyone??? I am doing great! Over the hump on this treatment. I started feeling great on Thursday day 8. I couldn't believe the energy I had. The Doc prescribed a new medicine for my Neuropathy and I do believe it is supplying my energy. The reason I say that is because I never really had this much energy before and it seems to come and go. I take my meds and about an hour later I get this boost.. my body wants to run a marathon. The energy bursts seem to be a good thing, but of course as with all things it comes with some draw backs. This medicine also seems to make me very edgy. I fidget all the time.. sounds crazy I am sure, but I love the extra energy It seems to give me so we will ride with it for now. I am a little hesitant as right now I am on 2 pills 3 times a day. Tonight I start with 3 pills 3 times a day and not sure what that will do. I guess we shall see later in the week. Right now I feel great. My mouth seems to be getting better each day. I am however going to speak with the Doc and see if there is some way to be proactive with this mouth stuff as it is playing a large roll in my bounce back time and brings my spirits down quite a bit. I sure would love to find a way to prevent it from happening at all. Once again we shall see. The Neuropathy seems to be getting better. The numbness in my fingers and toes doesn't seem so bad this time. I only really notice it when I am trying to type, write or grip something. Never really notice it in my feet much as I always have shoes or slippers on. The body aches this time were almost non existent. I experienced some pain in my upper back, but nothing like before. Almost little to no pain in my joints this time. All in all I believe this new chemo cocktail as they call it seems to be working. I am very excited about the fact that food tastes good again. I told Brian I plan to eat like a horse for the next week and a half now that most foods taste good again. I never realized how much fun eating use to be until I couldn't. Mom came by Saturday morning and swooped me up for a beautiful breakfast at Barbara Jeans then off for a little shopping. As always I spent way too much money..but what the heck.. ya only live once right???? We came back to the house and then Courtney and I left for a Jewelry party at Donna's. We had a great time and once again I spent way too much. Can't believe how much fake jewelry cost.. wow.. anyway I had a great day, but was a long one. I came home, ate dinner then sat down for a bit to rest. Before I knew it I was out like a light by 8pm. I have to say the early bed times now stink. I do know I need to get my rest, but sure wish I could make it past 9pm sometimes. I seem to sleep a lot of my time away now and not sure if that is a good thing or bad. I guess it is what it is for now. It's so funny how life changes for a person sometimes. In the past during this time of year it almost made me sick to see how early all the stores put up Christmas decorations and started advertising Christmas specials. This year though .. I love it!!! I love knowing that Thanksgiving is almost here and that Christmas is right around the corner. For the first time in years I am as giddy as a child when I think about sitting around the Christmas tree with my family, watching our children and grand children open their presents and spending the entire day thanking God for his sweet blessings and sharing good times with family and friends. I know that for the first time I truly know what it is to be thankful. I truly know how wonderful and special each day is with my family and friends. Every laugh..every smile... every hug and kiss seems so much sweeter... I plan to saver each moment and store it away in my treasure box of memories. I plan to make the very most out of each day and each holiday. It is so funny how as we grow older we seem to get this crazy idea that getting excited about the holidays isn't the "grown up" thing to do any more. That somehow letting the child in us shine through makes us less of an adult... well personally...this year and every year going forward I plan on being a child again. I plan on letting the silly in me shine right on through. I now know that life is too short to always play the adult part. This year shopping for those I love will be exciting and not such a hassle, putting lights and decorations up will be a pleasure and not some chore that has to be done, Hearing Christmas carols will lift my spirits and add warmth to my soul and not this awful dread that Christmas is near.. No this year and each year after, that God above chooses to bless me with... I plan on letting the light shine through. I too will dance like a child in my heart at the thought of Holidays coming.. I too will allow my heart to skip a beat when I think of God and all his wonders during the Holiday season.. for I now know that each Holiday I share with those I love so much is a true blessing and is meant to be celebrated and enjoyed with all the love and happiness there is share. I can't wait!!!! Whoohooo!!!!! I hope everyone has a great week. I will try to update you again soon. I love you all and thank you all so much for your prayers.. Our God is doing amazing things...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Chemo Treat # 4 Day 6
Good morning all, Okay I am starting to feel better now. Hoping I am past the hump on this one. My mouth is pretty bad again so started the mouth wash. I hope to get that under control earlier than before. I can't eat of course so having a hard time gaining my strength back. Little bits here and there. I am going to work today and pray I find some kind of energy. The fatigue is terrible, but gotta try to get up and get going. The body aches have not been bad this time. I haven't taken any Tylenol which is a plus considering I take all kinds of other pills. One less pill is always a plus in my book. I have been talking a lot to the big man and know that he has me. Two more and done.. keeping that thought going. God really is listening ..can't believe how quick he is to answer sometimes.. it truly is amazing. Please keep praying for Csilla's Mom and family as the prayers are working. She is off life support now and even talking..AMEN.. I hope you all have an amazing week. Hope to update you again soon. I love you all!!!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Chemo Treat # 4 Day 3
Good Morning all, I hope everyone is doing great. I am doing okay so far. Had my 4th Chemo treat on Wednesday. Woke up and felt ok on Thursday and went to work. Left work around 2:30pm and went to the doc office for my Neulasta shot then came home and went to bed pretty early. Mom came over and spent the entire day with me Friday and it was great. I felt pretty good most of the day. The bad taste in my mouth is back of course, but so far no thrush yet. Let's pray that does not return. Mom and I talked and laughed and went through some pics. I love spending time with my Momma. I never seem to have enough time with her though. It seems the more I get the more I want. My Momma is the best listener in the whole wide world. She just lets you talk and talk and never minds the subject. Good thing she doesn't charge a fee. I know this probably isn't the place, but I really want everyone to know how much my Momma means to me.. she is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She is everything I always wanted to be and more. I know that she is a big part of who I am today and that is saying a lot considering what we both have been through in our lives. By watching her deal with the trials and tribulations in her life she has taught me how to deal with my own. If not for her I am not sure how I would what I am going through today. She taught us as young girls to be strong, honest, loyal, independant, true and God loving woman. She taught us that we were never any better than others and that no one was any better than us. She taught us that sometimes life isn't fair, but ya pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on with your head held high. I am so proud of the woman I am today and without Momma I would not be that woman. She is and always will be the wind beneath my wings... I truly wish everyone could have a Mom like mine.. I thank God every day that he put me in her life and her in mine. That he watched over us and never gave up pushing us to have what we have today...I would like to share one last thing about my Mom before I go...I know she doesn't really like country music much, but there is this one song that always reminds me of my Mom and each time I hear it I cry like a baby because she is an eagle when flys and I admire, respect and love her so much. I hope you don't mind, but thought I would leave you all with the words to this song. If you have a Momma like mine.. call her or go see her... tell her what an amazing woman she is and how blessed you are to have her in your life. I know I am and I thank you Lord for allowing me to spend this prescious time with her.
She's been there, God knows, she's been there
She has seen and done it all
She's a woman, she know how to
Dish it out or take it all
Her heart's as soft as feathers
Still she weathers stormy skies
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
A kaleidoscope of colors
You can toss her around and round
You can keep her in your vision
But you'll never keep her down
She's a lover, she's a mother
She's a friend and she's a wife
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
Gentle as the sweet magnolia
Strong as steel, her faith and pride
She's an everlasting shoulder
She's the leaning post of life
She hurts deep and when she weeps
She's just as fragile as a child
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
She's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
Oh, bless her, Lord
She's an eagle when she flies
She's been there, God knows, she's been there
She has seen and done it all
She's a woman, she know how to
Dish it out or take it all
Her heart's as soft as feathers
Still she weathers stormy skies
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
A kaleidoscope of colors
You can toss her around and round
You can keep her in your vision
But you'll never keep her down
She's a lover, she's a mother
She's a friend and she's a wife
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
Gentle as the sweet magnolia
Strong as steel, her faith and pride
She's an everlasting shoulder
She's the leaning post of life
She hurts deep and when she weeps
She's just as fragile as a child
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
She's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
Oh, bless her, Lord
She's an eagle when she flies
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Chemo Treat # 4
Good morning all, I apologize for not posting sooner.. I have been so crazy this week. I am now sitting in the docs office receiving my 4th chemo treatment. So far everything is going great. Last week after I saw the doctor we decided to change a few things up. I will still stay with the new chemo cocktail of Taxotere, but they decided it would be best to cut my steroids in half due to the thrush I had after the last treatment. I sure hope it works. They also put me on another medication to help the neuropathy as we still have not found anything to help relieve that. Hopefully this new medicine helps. Once they get me weaned on this med I will take 3 pill 3 times a day.. whew.. that's a lot of meds especially when I was already taking so much. Anyway I truly hope it works. I feel pretty good today.. Had a pretty good couple of weeks at work so I am happy. Please pray that I bounce back quickly from this one. I was informed last Wednesday that the treatments are accumulative so that now concerns me as it will now get a little tougher to bounce back as quickly as I have been. The good thing about knowing this is that I am aware of it now and will not become so depressed when I don't bounce back as quickly as I think I should. I have a friend from work. Her name is Csilla and they just found out her mom has cancer, but before they could get her in to see an oncologist she had a heart attack and had to have a triple bypass. She is now on life support as her body is very weak. Her mind is still going strong, but very heavily sedated now. Please join me in praying for Csilla, her momma and family. I know what prayers can do... They work on me each and every day. I know that God will watch over her and keep her safe and bring her back to her family soon.. well I really have a lot more to tell you, but it looks like I am out of here in about 30 minutes so need to start packing up. I love you all so much and hope you are having a blessed week
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Chemo Treat #3 Day 11
Good morning all,
Im sorry it's been so long since my last post. It was a pretty crazy week. Chemo treat # 3 has proven to be a little bit more challenging than those previous. The taste in my mouth actually got worse so I called my Chemo nurse on Tuesday and they called in a prescription for me. It is a mouth wash that I must swish and swallow. As you can imagine that has not been much fun. I ended up with small bumps all through my mouth and tongue and what felt like a mouth full of fur... This made it very difficult to eat which in turn made it hard to snap back quickly from the chemo this time. I stayed pretty weak up until Thursday. Felt some energy coming back on Thursday and by Friday felt good again. It is still amazing to me what a little food will do for the body. This mouth wash is pretty hard to get down and I must take it four times a day. I must admit I was quite the baby the first day I started taking it until I awoke the next morning with a sweet colorful note taped to my bottle of medicine. One hand drawn big colorful flower with a smiley face in the middle, green grass, a blue sky, a pink butterfly, a little lady bug and a yellow smiley face sun and a sweet note that said "Good morning sunshine, hoping you have a great day and that this icky mouthwash taste like chocolate ice cream. I love you...Courtney". I have to tell you ....that mouthwash doesn't taste too bad now...all I have to do is look at that sweet note from my daughter Courtney and it turns to chocolate ice cream. Words just cannot explain what my daughter Courtney means to me. She has grown into such an amazing inspiration... Wow.... everyone deserves to have at least one Courtney in their life. Friday was a great day. We had a little celebration for boss's day(a gorilla in a pink tutu with a singing telegram for all of our managers) plus lots of food. Was able to taste and eat pretty good for the first time. Brian and I went to Bingo Friday night with Donna, Tanya, my sis Lori and my nephew Dillon.. we had so much fun. I was even able to yell Bingo... yes that's right I won!!! whoohoooo.. Brian won as well... I do love me some bingo. Got home around 1am as of course we love to sit around after bingo and talk..well I do.. poor Brian is forced to listen to the chatter..haha finally got into bed around 2am which is pretty late for me considering I don't make it up much past 9pm these days. Slept in until 8am on Saturday..that felt good. Got up and sat on the porch drinking my morning coffee. Called Momma and she told me Daddy was in Fernandina for the day at the car show so I decided to go see my Daddy for a bit. What a beautiful day.... my nephew Nicholas and his girl Eden came out and we all walked around and looked at the beautiful cars (my Dad's was the best of course). We then decided to get an ice cream (ok I wanted one) which tasted amazing..and for me that is such a blessing right now. We sat under a nice shady oak, ate our ice cream, talked and laughed and watched the people walk by. What an amazing day... and to top it all off my daddy's car was in the top 50 out of 240 cars for peoples choice... my daddy really does do some amazing things with his cars. I guess you could say that Saturday was something right out of heaven. Felt great and had a great time with my daddy and family. It is now Sunday morning and once again I am on the porch sipping coffee and listening to the world wake...oh and one very loud bird... God really is amazing. I feel great and think the mouth wash is starting to work. I still feel the small bumps, but they seem to be going away slowly. For the most part I feel pretty good physically and emotionally. I cannot tell you what it means to have so many friends and family around me. They, along with God have carried me through. I must admit there are times when I feel weak and give this cancer more power than it deserves. These times are few and swift thanks to God, family and friends. I cannot imagine going through this alone and thank God each day that I don't have to. In the beginning when I started this journey I felt it best to keep friends and family at bay during the worst days of my treatments..only allowing Brian, Courtney and sometimes Momma to see me at my worst, but as time passes and we get these treatments behind us I realize that it is during these tough times that I need my friends and family the most. It is during these times that I must let go and let God, family and friends carry me through... If you know me well at all... you know that this is not an easy thing for me. Not because I don't trust them to carry me, but because in my heart I never want to be a burden to those I love so much. In my heart I felt that I was here to do the lifting...not them.. not even God... wow ...how mis-guided is that? I now realize that even the strong need to be carried and more importantly the weak need to lift... this is how we receive strength and wisdom..this is how we build character and become the wonderful beings that we are.. God is truly teaching me so much through all of this... I can only hope that I continue to be his sponge and soak up all there is to learn in this little time that we have.. I love you all very much and hope that your week is a blessed one.
Im sorry it's been so long since my last post. It was a pretty crazy week. Chemo treat # 3 has proven to be a little bit more challenging than those previous. The taste in my mouth actually got worse so I called my Chemo nurse on Tuesday and they called in a prescription for me. It is a mouth wash that I must swish and swallow. As you can imagine that has not been much fun. I ended up with small bumps all through my mouth and tongue and what felt like a mouth full of fur... This made it very difficult to eat which in turn made it hard to snap back quickly from the chemo this time. I stayed pretty weak up until Thursday. Felt some energy coming back on Thursday and by Friday felt good again. It is still amazing to me what a little food will do for the body. This mouth wash is pretty hard to get down and I must take it four times a day. I must admit I was quite the baby the first day I started taking it until I awoke the next morning with a sweet colorful note taped to my bottle of medicine. One hand drawn big colorful flower with a smiley face in the middle, green grass, a blue sky, a pink butterfly, a little lady bug and a yellow smiley face sun and a sweet note that said "Good morning sunshine, hoping you have a great day and that this icky mouthwash taste like chocolate ice cream. I love you...Courtney". I have to tell you ....that mouthwash doesn't taste too bad now...all I have to do is look at that sweet note from my daughter Courtney and it turns to chocolate ice cream. Words just cannot explain what my daughter Courtney means to me. She has grown into such an amazing inspiration... Wow.... everyone deserves to have at least one Courtney in their life. Friday was a great day. We had a little celebration for boss's day(a gorilla in a pink tutu with a singing telegram for all of our managers) plus lots of food. Was able to taste and eat pretty good for the first time. Brian and I went to Bingo Friday night with Donna, Tanya, my sis Lori and my nephew Dillon.. we had so much fun. I was even able to yell Bingo... yes that's right I won!!! whoohoooo.. Brian won as well... I do love me some bingo. Got home around 1am as of course we love to sit around after bingo and talk..well I do.. poor Brian is forced to listen to the chatter..haha finally got into bed around 2am which is pretty late for me considering I don't make it up much past 9pm these days. Slept in until 8am on Saturday..that felt good. Got up and sat on the porch drinking my morning coffee. Called Momma and she told me Daddy was in Fernandina for the day at the car show so I decided to go see my Daddy for a bit. What a beautiful day.... my nephew Nicholas and his girl Eden came out and we all walked around and looked at the beautiful cars (my Dad's was the best of course). We then decided to get an ice cream (ok I wanted one) which tasted amazing..and for me that is such a blessing right now. We sat under a nice shady oak, ate our ice cream, talked and laughed and watched the people walk by. What an amazing day... and to top it all off my daddy's car was in the top 50 out of 240 cars for peoples choice... my daddy really does do some amazing things with his cars. I guess you could say that Saturday was something right out of heaven. Felt great and had a great time with my daddy and family. It is now Sunday morning and once again I am on the porch sipping coffee and listening to the world wake...oh and one very loud bird... God really is amazing. I feel great and think the mouth wash is starting to work. I still feel the small bumps, but they seem to be going away slowly. For the most part I feel pretty good physically and emotionally. I cannot tell you what it means to have so many friends and family around me. They, along with God have carried me through. I must admit there are times when I feel weak and give this cancer more power than it deserves. These times are few and swift thanks to God, family and friends. I cannot imagine going through this alone and thank God each day that I don't have to. In the beginning when I started this journey I felt it best to keep friends and family at bay during the worst days of my treatments..only allowing Brian, Courtney and sometimes Momma to see me at my worst, but as time passes and we get these treatments behind us I realize that it is during these tough times that I need my friends and family the most. It is during these times that I must let go and let God, family and friends carry me through... If you know me well at all... you know that this is not an easy thing for me. Not because I don't trust them to carry me, but because in my heart I never want to be a burden to those I love so much. In my heart I felt that I was here to do the lifting...not them.. not even God... wow ...how mis-guided is that? I now realize that even the strong need to be carried and more importantly the weak need to lift... this is how we receive strength and wisdom..this is how we build character and become the wonderful beings that we are.. God is truly teaching me so much through all of this... I can only hope that I continue to be his sponge and soak up all there is to learn in this little time that we have.. I love you all very much and hope that your week is a blessed one.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Chemo Treat #3 Day 4
Good morning all, I am usually not on here by day 4, so gonna take this as a good sign. Chemo went good. Much shorter this time. It only lasted 2 1/2 hours which was nice. Thursday I felt great. Went to work had a great day, then went to doc office and got shot. Had a good night was tired but fine. Woke up Friday morning bright and early at 4am. Felt ok, but light headed and nausea. Taste in my mouth is horrible this time. I have tried to eat, but nothing seems to taste ok. I am very glad I decided to stay home on Fridays after chemo. I think that is best. Was up on and off Friday and over all not too bad of a day other than taste in mouth. Slept in on Saturday until around 8am then got on skype with Terrie for 2 1/2 hours.. me and that girl can talk. Love being able to see her beautiful face even if we are 6 hours away from each other. Saturday was ok. Very tired and weak. Taste in my mouth getting worse. Brian made big batch of chili which smelt so good all day. Tried to eat some in the afternoon, but just didn't taste right. This part is driving me nuts as I am very hungry, but can't eat. The only thing that seems to taste half way descent is rice chex cereal so it looks like I will be eating a lot of that for now. Trying to stay up as much as I can as laying in the bed is already getting old. I sit out on the back porch quite a bit and just rest in hopes I will feel myself getting better. We are pretty much half way there now and if everything goes as planned will be done with this chemo stuff in no time. I can't wait for Christmas this year. I truly feel this is gonna be the best Christmas ever!!!! Well I am pretty tired and it's hard to type with the numbness in my hands so I will go for now. I will try to update you all either later today or later in the week. I love you all
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Chemo Treat # 3
Good morning all,
It's that time again... another round and one more down. I spoke with nurse yesterday and she eased my mind concerning the new cocktail. She says side effects are pretty much the same except the fatigue. I should expect the fatigue to be more severe than previously which may result in a few more aches and pains, but with lots of rest I should be ok. Still planning on trying to make it to work tomorrow, then shot tomorrow afternoon and home to rest for the next three days. If all goes well I will try to go to work on Monday, but have decided not to push it. If I feel bad I will stay home Monday and go back on Tuesday. I am feeling anxious of course this morning , but took an ativan so hopefully that helps. My bags are packed and I am ready to go. I am not sure when I will be on here next, but will try to keep you updated as best as I can. I feel your amazing prayers and support this morning as my daily word hit the nail right on the head. I will post it here so you can share in the amazing messages that I get each day which always seem to fit whats in my heart. I love you all and hope you have an amazing week.
Worry-FreeAll things are working for my highest good.
When I worry, I am agreeing that external things have power over me. But when I put thoughts of anxiety and worry out of my mind, I rest in the assurance that all things are working for my highest good. I readily see that I cannot think an anxious thought while thinking thoughts of good, trust and confidence. I cannot be disturbed when I abide in the presence of God.
This is not an exertion of my willpower, which may cause as much mental tension as worry itself. It is a laying aside of worry by focusing on peace, faith and assurance. I let the positive thoughts crowd out the worry and fill my mind so full that I am no longer anxious. Life is revealed to me in a new way when I no longer give in to worry.
Do not worry about your life.--Matthew 6:25
It's that time again... another round and one more down. I spoke with nurse yesterday and she eased my mind concerning the new cocktail. She says side effects are pretty much the same except the fatigue. I should expect the fatigue to be more severe than previously which may result in a few more aches and pains, but with lots of rest I should be ok. Still planning on trying to make it to work tomorrow, then shot tomorrow afternoon and home to rest for the next three days. If all goes well I will try to go to work on Monday, but have decided not to push it. If I feel bad I will stay home Monday and go back on Tuesday. I am feeling anxious of course this morning , but took an ativan so hopefully that helps. My bags are packed and I am ready to go. I am not sure when I will be on here next, but will try to keep you updated as best as I can. I feel your amazing prayers and support this morning as my daily word hit the nail right on the head. I will post it here so you can share in the amazing messages that I get each day which always seem to fit whats in my heart. I love you all and hope you have an amazing week.
Worry-FreeAll things are working for my highest good.
When I worry, I am agreeing that external things have power over me. But when I put thoughts of anxiety and worry out of my mind, I rest in the assurance that all things are working for my highest good. I readily see that I cannot think an anxious thought while thinking thoughts of good, trust and confidence. I cannot be disturbed when I abide in the presence of God.
This is not an exertion of my willpower, which may cause as much mental tension as worry itself. It is a laying aside of worry by focusing on peace, faith and assurance. I let the positive thoughts crowd out the worry and fill my mind so full that I am no longer anxious. Life is revealed to me in a new way when I no longer give in to worry.
Do not worry about your life.--Matthew 6:25
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Chemo Treat #2 Day 20
Good morning all,
It's a beautiful crisp morning here in Florida.. getting cooler and cooler each day. That really is a good thing for me as the heat wears me down and the cool crisp air gives me a little extra bounce in my step. Went to the Doc yesterday and all looks great. He seems to be very confident in the fact that I am gonna whiz right through this and come out even stronger and better than ever. We talked about my Neuropathy (numbness in hands and feet due to nerve damage from chemo) He seems very concerned and therefore is switching up my chemo cocktail. I must admit it has me a bit scared as I have been doing so well with what they were giving me and as my Mom has always says..if it ain't broke don't fix it so feel a little leery about this switch. I do not know what to expect as he explained that the only difference between what I was getting and what I will be getting are the side effects, but never gave me a chance to ask what those side effects might be. They will also change up my pre meds (steroids night before) which I am not sure how they will do as I must start my pre meds tonight. I plan to call my chemo nurse Pat and ask her what this means for me and what do I need to get from the drug store to prepare.. UGH!!!! Change is always unsettling for me, but something that I am learning to take in stride. I shall give it to him and know that he will see me through this. I sure wish I didn't feel so pressed for time though when I do see the doc. It always seems I wait for an hour or more to see him then talk with him for 5 minutes at the most then out the door. It's really not his fault though as for some reason I always get nervous when he walks in the room. Anyway it is what it is and we shall take it as it comes. We did talk about this CA-125 stuff though. I had read that this is a blood test that tells the activity of cancer in your system. When I asked him about it he explained that my score was normal, but that it really doesn't come into play much concerning the type of tumor I had so back to square one there. I explained to the Doc how I had been reading up on cancer and he also explained that most of what I read about ovarian cancer does not have anything to do with the type of cancer I am fighting. Only 2% of ovarian cancer patients are found to have what they call Granulosous Cell Tumor (I am sure I didn't spell it right) therefore there is not much out there to go by. He does feel strongly though that this is a low grade cancer and I will kick it's butt fairly easy... of course what he doesn't know is that my God has already taken care of that part.. anyway it's pre-meds tonight...then my chemo treat number 3 tomorrow. I have spoken to the man upstairs of course and pray that as before the side effects stay at a minimum and that I get back up and running as quickly as possible. Please keep the prayers coming.. as I truly feel in my heart that prayers are the real cure... I love you all so much and hope you know how grateful I am for each and every one of you!!!! You are all one of the many blessings I receive each and every day!!!!! Talk to ya in a few days.. heck maybe even tomorrow morning if I keep getting up so early. Make it a blessed week!!!!!
It's a beautiful crisp morning here in Florida.. getting cooler and cooler each day. That really is a good thing for me as the heat wears me down and the cool crisp air gives me a little extra bounce in my step. Went to the Doc yesterday and all looks great. He seems to be very confident in the fact that I am gonna whiz right through this and come out even stronger and better than ever. We talked about my Neuropathy (numbness in hands and feet due to nerve damage from chemo) He seems very concerned and therefore is switching up my chemo cocktail. I must admit it has me a bit scared as I have been doing so well with what they were giving me and as my Mom has always says..if it ain't broke don't fix it so feel a little leery about this switch. I do not know what to expect as he explained that the only difference between what I was getting and what I will be getting are the side effects, but never gave me a chance to ask what those side effects might be. They will also change up my pre meds (steroids night before) which I am not sure how they will do as I must start my pre meds tonight. I plan to call my chemo nurse Pat and ask her what this means for me and what do I need to get from the drug store to prepare.. UGH!!!! Change is always unsettling for me, but something that I am learning to take in stride. I shall give it to him and know that he will see me through this. I sure wish I didn't feel so pressed for time though when I do see the doc. It always seems I wait for an hour or more to see him then talk with him for 5 minutes at the most then out the door. It's really not his fault though as for some reason I always get nervous when he walks in the room. Anyway it is what it is and we shall take it as it comes. We did talk about this CA-125 stuff though. I had read that this is a blood test that tells the activity of cancer in your system. When I asked him about it he explained that my score was normal, but that it really doesn't come into play much concerning the type of tumor I had so back to square one there. I explained to the Doc how I had been reading up on cancer and he also explained that most of what I read about ovarian cancer does not have anything to do with the type of cancer I am fighting. Only 2% of ovarian cancer patients are found to have what they call Granulosous Cell Tumor (I am sure I didn't spell it right) therefore there is not much out there to go by. He does feel strongly though that this is a low grade cancer and I will kick it's butt fairly easy... of course what he doesn't know is that my God has already taken care of that part.. anyway it's pre-meds tonight...then my chemo treat number 3 tomorrow. I have spoken to the man upstairs of course and pray that as before the side effects stay at a minimum and that I get back up and running as quickly as possible. Please keep the prayers coming.. as I truly feel in my heart that prayers are the real cure... I love you all so much and hope you know how grateful I am for each and every one of you!!!! You are all one of the many blessings I receive each and every day!!!!! Talk to ya in a few days.. heck maybe even tomorrow morning if I keep getting up so early. Make it a blessed week!!!!!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Chemo Treat #2 Day 19
Good morning all, didn't get a chance to update you this weekend so I thought I would jump on here this morning and give you a quick update. I had a pretty good week last week. Worked all week with no problems. I was pretty tired so had a very lazy weekend just trying to catch up. Kenny came into town this weekend and made me another batch of meatballs to get me through this next chemo cycle. Jed and Quintin also came by this weekend. It was so good to see them. We went to dinner with Mom and Dad Friday night and had a great time. I believe, for the time being anyway, that my hair has stopped falling out. I expected it to start falling out again around the 15th day as it did last time, but it has not. I am now at this in between stage with my hair. I am almost bald, but not quite. Still have patches of hair which is not the cutest do in the world, but that's okay. For now, I am wearing ball caps only, as they seem to look ok and are not too hot. I imagine as we get colder I will wear scarfs or do rags underneath to keep my head warm. My Neuropathy has not gotten any better in my right hand, but has pretty much gone away in my feet and my left hand. All in all I feel wonderful! Thank you Jesus. I continue to feel your prayers every day so please keep them coming. I have a pretty busy week coming.. Today I have my Doc appt.. lots of questions for him this time.. Look out Doc.. Wednesday is Chemo treat #3, then Neulasta shot (kicks my butt) on Thursday and then Friday through Sunday we shall deal with the side effects. I pray that by Monday I will be over the hump and back on my way to feeling good again. I will try to get Brian or Terrie or Momma to post an update this weekend if I am unable. I hope you all have an amazing week!!!! I thank God each and every day for everyone of you!!!! Thank you all so much for going through this with me... I know in my heart I couldn't do it without you or him! Thank you!!!!! I love you all!!!!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Chemo Treat #2 Day 11
Wow.. it's been a while since I posted an update. Okay let's see if I can remember everything. Day 2 through 5 were my bad days, Sunday, day 4 being the worst. Did not escape getting sick this time, but believe it was due to my continuous problem with regular bowel movements. Day 5 I started getting better and by day 6 was bright and cheery again. Went to work on Friday day 2 which I now feel was a mistake. Will take the Friday after chemo off from now on as I feel I was pushing it way too much. All things considered though everything went smoothly Thank God. Now I can say I made it through the 2nd treatment and waiting for the third to approach. My Neuropathy seems to have gotten worse this go around. Cannot feel my right thumb at all and entire hand feels like it's asleep. The Neuropathy in my other hand and feet has seemed to slowly fade, but still feel tingling from time to time. Will ask the Doc about this on our next visit as he seemed pretty concerned the last time we spoke about it. I think my biggest issue so far has got to be the constipation. Cannot seem to find the right cure for that yet. I try to eat all the right things, drink water, exercise, but nothing yet.. hope to find out what works soon. Going back to work has been great. My biggest fear there of course is getting sick. With my immune system so low it would be very easy for me to pick up a bug and it always seems like someone there is sick. We are taking as many precautions as allowed so hopefully I will stay sick free. Work has been so supportive. I truly am blessed to have my job and the people I work for and with. They have all been great about everything. Received a nice surprise on day 1 after chemo..came home to find the most beautiful bouquet of flowers had been delivered from two of my old vendors I used to work with. It was such a sweet surprise and I am still enjoying the flowers today. Mom and Dad came to visit on Saturday day 3. We had a great time and I got to give my Daddy a great big Birthday hug. This weekend Mom and my Sis Lori came to eat breakfast with me and shop lil bit.. had a great time, which reminds me...did I tell you that my sister Leigh works with me, but in different department and is always right there to watch over me? She has been so great. On Friday day 2 she drove me to work and helped me get through the day. It was not easy and feel quite sure I could not have done it without her. I know I say this a lot, but I truly have so many blessings!!!!! It is so crazy how many people I have helping me get through all of this. I was searching the web the other day and found this site for Ovarian Cancer....at first glance it looked like I had found a forum in which everyone was experiencing the same things I am and it felt good to not feel so alone, but after some reading and further research I realized that some things are better left unknown.I thought I was strong enough to handle any information I could about this disease, but realized very quickly that maybe I was not as strong as I thought. I feel now that I know the things I need to know and will worry about the rest later. I did learn some good things though as well... it is important that I know it is ok to have bad days.. its ok to feel what comes my way good or bad. It is important that I not try so hard to put on the happy face if there isn't one.. I know this now and will try my best to embrace the bad days and bad feelings as well as the good..Even with all I know now I feel in my heart that it's important to live for today and worry about tomorrow then so that's what I intend to do. I know that some days will be easier than others..but with God and the support of my friends and family I can do this. Am I scared??? Oh yes most definitely! Do I wonder what my future holds???? Every minute of every day!!!!! Do I have faith that God will see me through???? Beyond a shadow of a doubt!!!! Will I do all I can to beat this thing we call cancer?????? You bet your booty I will!!!!! Because my storm now knows how big my God is and I can only imagine that the "Big C" is running like crazy!!!!! I will end this now, but first I would like to share a little poem I found with you. If I have learned anything at all in this life it is that I am responsible for my own happiness and that the things that happen to us in our life only have as much power as we allow... I will not empower nor allow this cancer to lead me.. that is God's place and with him I am safe and at peace.. Thank you God as you take my hand and lead me through this valley... I love you all and hope to update you again soon.
"What Cancer Cannot Do"
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life
"What Cancer Cannot Do"
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Chemo Treat #2 Day 1
Okay so today wasn't so bad. Went to work and felt pretty good for the most part. I have been nausea on and off and pretty weak most of the day, but still able to work. Had to leave work at 2:30 to go to the docs office and get my Nuelasta shot. I did that and I am now at home getting ready to eat. Sounds funny, but it seems if I eat I don't feel so nausea although I have that nasty taste back in my mouth again. It makes everything taste so different. Good thing is it only lasts a couple weeks then gone for about a week before next chemo treat so at least thats good. I am pretty tired..My sis leigh is gonna drive me to work tomorrow in case I get too bad to stay. Hoping to feel good enough in the morning to at least attempt to work. It would be so wonderful if I could work through the whole day. That would make me so very happy. My baby is in the kitchen now making me some egg salad.. Thank God for my baby.. we met 16 years ago today.. hard to believe we been together that long yet seems like we have been together a life time. I received flowers at home today from two vendors I use to work with at CIT.I am not sure how they found out what I have been going through, but I was so overwhelmed when I got them. Andy and Bob have always been so good to me.. I can't wait to shoot them an email tomorrow and thank them. They are sooo beautiful!!!! It is still so amazing to me to see how many people care... words cannot express how it makes me feel.. I love you all so very much. Well gonna go for now. Please pray I make it through work tomorrow at least, then will have the weekend to deal with the bad days. Thank you all for all the prayers you continue to send up for me.. I feel them every day. Love you!!!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day of Chemo treat #2
Okay so I am in the chair now and all hooked up. They are now putting benadryl in me which is one of the first pre meds. I feel pretty good so far, just a little jittery and nervous, buts all. They keep it pretty cold in here (which is a good thing) so I am all wrapped up in my Georgia bulldog snuggie and waiting for the next drup.. I will try to update as we go through the treatment. Like I said so far so good.. miss you all.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Night before Chemo treatment #2
Okay so everything is a go for chemo tomorrow. We had an amazing dinner (chicken and dumplings yummm) tonight that Ms Claudette brought by, followed by one of the best desserts I have ever eaten.. gotta get the recipe for that blueberry surprise Claudette.. it was so good. Thank you so much. Now I have taken my first round of meds - 5 steroids, 1 adivan and 1 anti nausea. 2nd round comes at 3am and will consist of 5 more steroids.....how will I ever sleep???? My bag is as packed as it can be for now and I am very anxious. Always get so nervous when I think about chemo, but with your prayers, your support and Gods kind and healing hands I made it through the first and pray this next one goes just as well. My momma called me tonight and asked me to read my daily word for tomorrow and what a message it was.. my eyes do see now all the beauty and goodness that surrounds me... I am in awe at how amazing God is. Seeing his healing power and answered prayers so evident.
Jeremiah 29: 12Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13:And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. How comforting it is to know that he's got this..that he always has everything. all I have to do is seek him and he will carry me through.. wow... thanks momma.. as always you inspire me just when I need it most.. I do love you so very much. Head is tingly and feeling funny.. guess it's time to have the dizzy head again for a while... I love what the meds do for me physically, but do so look forward to having a clear head again in a week or more.. well I guess I better go for now. I will try to get on and update you during chemo and if not I will try to update you tomorrow night. Thank you all for your prayers and support.. as you can see when you look at me....the prayers are working.. I love you all and wish you sweet dreams..
Jeremiah 29: 12Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13:And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. How comforting it is to know that he's got this..that he always has everything. all I have to do is seek him and he will carry me through.. wow... thanks momma.. as always you inspire me just when I need it most.. I do love you so very much. Head is tingly and feeling funny.. guess it's time to have the dizzy head again for a while... I love what the meds do for me physically, but do so look forward to having a clear head again in a week or more.. well I guess I better go for now. I will try to get on and update you during chemo and if not I will try to update you tomorrow night. Thank you all for your prayers and support.. as you can see when you look at me....the prayers are working.. I love you all and wish you sweet dreams..
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Day 21
Good Morning all, Wow I have so much to tell you since my last update. Okay let's see... Tuesday I went and had my blood drawn, which the lady at Lab Corp botched again. Bruises all up my arm this time. I spoke with Dr. Buckley about it on Wednesday and he mentioned setting me up to get the blood drawn through my portacath(which I thought was one of the reasons they put the cath in to begin with) but come to find out my chemo nurse Pat told me it would be a lot of trouble as Lab Corp will not draw through the port and neither will the chemo nurses so I would have to schedule outpatient surgery with the hospital and go up there each time. Now considering I get blood drawn at least once a week this would be a lot to go through so it looks like my arms will be all bruised up for the next 5-6 months. Sure wish those ladies at Lab Corp knew what they were doing. Oh well it really is ok.. nurse Pat told me to make sure I drink lots of water the night before drawing blood in order to plump my veins up so they could find them better so it's more water than usual.. I have already learned that water ...water...water...seems to be an essential key to this chemo stuff. Ok so got blood drawn on Tuesday and by Tuesday night I noticed my hair falling out more and more so I asked Brian to go ahead and shave it for me. It was really bothering me to feel it falling on my back and arms so reluctantly Brian got the electric razor out Tuesday night and shaved my head leaving about 1/4 of an inch of hair remaining on my head. He was pretty upset the entire time and I too was very anxious about it, but decided to leave the tears for when I looked at myself in the mirror.. so of course once Brian finished I walked quickly to the bathroom to catch a quick peak at what I now must look like and just let me say ...I ROCK the GI Jane look!!!!!! I was so surprised at how great I looked. As I stood there getting a good glimpse of the new woman in me.. poor Brian came in the bathroom looking like he had just killed his best friend.. he told me I could cry on his shoulder if I wanted to, but I explained there really was no need as I liked the new me..My baby (thank God for my blessing called Brian-aka baby) did a great job with my hair and I really was okay with it. It really has been amazing to watch God bless me with so much strength and resolve.If anyone knows me well at all, they know how important my hair has always been to me so for me to have this attitude about losing it all means it can only truly be a miracle from God. I really feel his strength at times like this..it's so amazing.. I just lay back and he is right there to catch me and carry me through it all.. How awesome is that??? All I can say is WOW...and thank you Lord for your strong healing arms.. Wednesday I went to the Docs office for my appointment, strutting my new doooo and everything went great. The Doc said I looked great (he loved the new hair) and that as before he truly thinks I am going to do wonderful through all of this. I explained to him that I would really like to get back to work and he felt that was great as well so he gave me my release to work and off I went. I returned to work on Thursday (strutting my new doo again..no hat yet) and the reception I got was amazing. I felt so loved by everyone.. I really didn't realize how much I missed work until I went back. It was pretty interesting though to watch some as I walked by them in the hall. I would walk by and say hello and you could see in their eyes that they knew me, but couldn't quite remember how they knew me... I looked so different now.. and it had been almost three months since anyone had seen me so the looks were very understandable. I could tell though that after a moment or two it hit them who I was and then the look of fear or concern for me came over them as they walked on by. I can only imagine how they must feel. How awkward it must be to know someone with cancer and not know what to say or do???? I truly believe now that there is no right or wrong thing to say or do..when it comes to those you know or love that is fighting this thing we call Cancer. For me...the best thing is to just say whats in your heart.. something....good or bad is and always will be better than no words at all. I have learned so much as I walk through this valley in my life.. and I know there is so much more to learn. I just pray that God uses me to show others so that they don't have to face what we(my friends and family as they are going through this with me) all have in order to learn. So my first day back to work went great. I was pretty tired by the time I got home but all in all it was a good day. I had missed all my friends at work so bad and was so glad to see them. On Friday I went back to work and it was great. I realized on Thursday as my hair was still falling out quite a bit that removing the hair from my shirt all throughout the day was becoming quite a job, until Lil bit (Tanya a young sweet girl that I work with) mentioned a lint brush. She rushed over and grabbed one from Donna's(my boss and dear friend)desk and rolled it across my back and shoulders and sure enough it cleaned me all up. It wasn't until later as I was staring at the lint roller that I realized..hey I bet I could use this as a hairbrush..so sure enough as a few of my co-workers were standing around including the big boss lady Linda...I showed them all my new hair brush and it worked like a charm. I just roll it over my entire head and it takes out all the loose hair. If I do this like once an hour I find that I don't have so much hair falling out on me which is quite nice as it itches like crazy. So once again I learn something new each day and how wonderful is it that I can make people laugh at the same time... I love it!!!! I am always my happiest when I can make others laugh..almost to a fault as I do tend to say some crazy things at times just to get a laugh...haha..ok so Friday went great ..left work, went home grabbed Brian and off to Bingo we went to meet Donna and her family for a night of fun. I have always loved playing Bingo and it had been quite a few years ...so when Donna invited us how could I pass that up ... Bingo plus great company???? It turned out to be a great night. Lots of laughs, a few heart attacks as we got close to winning but always fell short by a number or two (Brian did win one game though for $25.00 so that was cool) and great friends..It was awesome!!! Went to bed that night with no problem and slept like a baby.. and I didn't even need a sleep aid..whoohooo. Got up on Saturday and just spent a lazy quiet day at home watching our Georgia Dawgs lose :( and then watching the race later that evening. Now here it is Sunday and all is good. I have lots to do of course as I must get ready for work and chemo this week. I am trying to think positive as I really want to keep my chemo appointment this week so please pray my platelets are up and everything moves as planned. I feel great right now and had a great week last week.. I am so ready for another great one.. Lord willing.. and I know he is.... so it's up to me and our prayers to push on through.. I know we can do it ....heck just look at what we and HE have done so far... Can I get an AMEN????? AMEN.... Well I better go for now..I hope to update you on chemo day, but if not..either myself, Brian, Momma or Terrie will update you on the weekend. Take care everyone. I hope you all have an amazing week and as always thank you all so very much for your prayers and support.. They, just like you, mean so much more than you know. Bring on an amazing week!!!!!!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Day 15 - Labor Day
Good Morning All....I hope everyone is off today enjoying the Holiday. I had a great weekend. I felt great most of the weekend and had a nice relaxing day yesterday after all of my festivities. Mom came down on Friday and we shopped most of the morning. We didn't get a chance to do pictures, but hope to next time. Terrie and Pa Bob made it in before Mom went back so we met them for lunch and finally got to introduce mom to pa bob. Had a great lunch then Mom handed me off to Terrie (think Momma was too chicken to take me home and see Brian's reaction once he learned how much I spent) Terrie, Pa Bob and I went home and had great night Friday full of conversation and laughs.. Pa Bob is never at a loss for words and I love it!!! Got up on Saturday morning and headed out to the beach where we walked and took some pics then ate lunch... headed back to the house and said our goodbyes :( then Terrie and Pa Bob headed to Savannah and we headed to Brylee's 1st birthday party. Had a great time, but was very tired by the time we got home. Brian got in the pool and I just relaxed as I was beat. Slept great Saturday night and even slept in until 8:30am on Sunday. We all enjoyed a very quiet and peaceful Sunday as that was what Brian wanted for his birthday. I slept good last night and up bright and early this morning. I have noticed that I keep feeling hair on my shoulders and arms (jumping every time because I think it is a bug crawling on me) so I am thinking that the hair may be leaving me slowly. I guess that is much better than big patches all at once, but I am ready for that too I think.. One never knows I guess until it happens. All in all I have felt very good and seem to have bounced back great from the first treatment. This I have no doubt is due to all of the support and prayers I have been receiving. God has blessed me so much. Each day is a blessing good or bad and I thank God twice for the good ones.. I made a decision last week to try and work through my next 5 treatments. I will start back this Thursday September 9th. Please pray for me as I really think this will help me rather than hurt me. I love my job and working has always made me feel so good.. it's a big part of who I am and I am very anxious to get that part of me back. We shall see how it goes. I have blood work tomorrow then it's off to see the Doc on Wednesday and hopefully he will release me to go back to work on Thursday. I will work Thursday and Friday, relax Sat & Sun and then back to work Monday and Tuesday. My next Chemo treatment is that Wednesday September 15th at 8:45am. If all goes well..I should be able to work Thursday the day after chemo..get off work, head to doc office for my shot then work on Friday. I pray that the aches and pains will hold off until Saturday and Sunday and then I can go back to work on that Monday feeling better I pray. It sounds like a lot to ask for, but I know he is almighty and through him all things are possible so I am letting him lead the way. One of my favorite quotes is "Don't tell your God how big your storm is..tell your storm how BIG your GOD is" so that is what I intend to do. Look out storm he is a BIGGGGGG GOD!!!!!!!! Well I think everyone is caught up for now. I will try to update you when I can. Once work starts it may be on the weekends only...depends on how tired I get. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support!!! Like I said before they really are working miracles!!!! I love you all!!!
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