Chemo Treat #2 Day 11

Wow.. it's been a while since I posted an update. Okay let's see if I can remember everything. Day 2 through 5 were my bad days, Sunday, day 4 being the worst. Did not escape getting sick this time, but believe it was due to my continuous problem with regular bowel movements. Day 5 I started getting better and by day 6 was bright and cheery again. Went to work on Friday day 2 which I now feel was a mistake. Will take the Friday after chemo off from now on as I feel I was pushing it way too much. All things considered though everything went smoothly Thank God. Now I can say I made it through the 2nd treatment and waiting for the third to approach. My Neuropathy seems to have gotten worse this go around. Cannot feel my right thumb at all and entire hand feels like it's asleep. The Neuropathy in my other hand and feet has seemed to slowly fade, but still feel tingling from time to time. Will ask the Doc about this on our next visit as he seemed pretty concerned the last time we spoke about it. I think my biggest issue so far has got to be the constipation. Cannot seem to find the right cure for that yet. I try to eat all the right things, drink water, exercise, but nothing yet.. hope to find out what works soon. Going back to work has been great. My biggest fear there of course is getting sick. With my immune system so low it would be very easy for me to pick up a bug and it always seems like someone there is sick. We are taking as many precautions as allowed so hopefully I will stay sick free. Work has been so supportive. I truly am blessed to have my job and the people I work for and with. They have all been great about everything. Received a nice surprise on day 1 after chemo..came home to find the most beautiful bouquet of flowers had been delivered from two of my old vendors I used to work with. It was such a sweet surprise and I am still enjoying the flowers today. Mom and Dad came to visit on Saturday day 3. We had a great time and I got to give my Daddy a great big Birthday hug. This weekend Mom and my Sis Lori came to eat breakfast with me and shop lil bit.. had a great time, which reminds me...did I tell you that my sister Leigh works with me, but in different department and is always right there to watch over me? She has been so great. On Friday day 2 she drove me to work and helped me get through the day. It was not easy and feel quite sure I could not have done it without her. I know I say this a lot, but I truly have so many blessings!!!!! It is so crazy how many people I have helping me get through all of this. I was searching the web the other day and found this site for Ovarian Cancer....at first glance it looked like I had found a forum in which everyone was experiencing the same things I am and it felt good to not feel so alone, but after some reading and further research I realized that some things are better left unknown.I thought I was strong enough to handle any information I could about this disease, but realized very quickly that maybe I was not as strong as I thought. I feel now that I know the things I need to know and will worry about the rest later. I did learn some good things though as well... it is important that I know it is ok to have bad days.. its ok to feel what comes my way good or bad. It is important that I not try so hard to put on the happy face if there isn't one.. I know this now and will try my best to embrace the bad days and bad feelings as well as the good..Even with all I know now I feel in my heart that it's important to live for today and worry about tomorrow then so that's what I intend to do. I know that some days will be easier than others..but with God and the support of my friends and family I can do this. Am I scared??? Oh yes most definitely! Do I wonder what my future holds???? Every minute of every day!!!!! Do I have faith that God will see me through???? Beyond a shadow of a doubt!!!! Will I do all I can to beat this thing we call cancer?????? You bet your booty I will!!!!! Because my storm now knows how big my God is and I can only imagine that the "Big C" is running like crazy!!!!! I will end this now, but first I would like to share a little poem I found with you. If I have learned anything at all in this life it is that I am responsible for my own happiness and that the things that happen to us in our life only have as much power as we allow... I will not empower nor allow this cancer to lead me.. that is God's place and with him I am safe and at peace.. Thank you God as you take my hand and lead me through this valley... I love you all and hope to update you again soon.

"What Cancer Cannot Do"
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life

Chemo Treat #2 Day 1

Okay so today wasn't so bad. Went to work and felt pretty good for the most part. I have been nausea on and off and pretty weak most of the day, but still able to work. Had to leave work at 2:30 to go to the docs office and get my Nuelasta shot. I did that and I am now at home getting ready to eat. Sounds funny, but it seems if I eat I don't feel so nausea although I have that nasty taste back in my mouth again. It makes everything taste so different. Good thing is it only lasts a couple weeks then gone for about a week before next chemo treat so at least thats good. I am pretty tired..My sis leigh is gonna drive me to work tomorrow in case I get too bad to stay. Hoping to feel good enough in the morning to at least attempt to work. It would be so wonderful if I could work through the whole day. That would make me so very happy. My baby is in the kitchen now making me some egg salad.. Thank God for my baby.. we met 16 years ago today.. hard to believe we been together that long yet seems like we have been together a life time. I received flowers at home today from two vendors I use to work with at CIT.I am not sure how they found out what I have been going through, but I was so overwhelmed when I got them. Andy and Bob have always been so good to me.. I can't wait to shoot them an email tomorrow and thank them. They are sooo beautiful!!!! It is still so amazing to me to see how many people care... words cannot express how it makes me feel.. I love you all so very much. Well gonna go for now. Please pray I make it through work tomorrow at least, then will have the weekend to deal with the bad days. Thank you all for all the prayers you continue to send up for me.. I feel them every day. Love you!!!!

Day of Chemo treat #2

Okay so I am in the chair now and all hooked up. They are now putting benadryl in me which is one of the first pre meds. I feel pretty good so far, just a little jittery and nervous, buts all. They keep it pretty cold in here (which is a good thing) so I am all wrapped up in my Georgia bulldog snuggie and waiting for the next drup.. I will try to update as we go through the treatment. Like I said so far so good.. miss you all.

Night before Chemo treatment #2

Okay so everything is a go for chemo tomorrow. We had an amazing dinner (chicken and dumplings yummm) tonight that Ms Claudette brought by, followed by one of the best desserts I have ever eaten.. gotta get the recipe for that blueberry surprise Claudette.. it was so good. Thank you so much. Now I have taken my first round of meds - 5 steroids, 1 adivan and 1 anti nausea. 2nd round comes at 3am and will consist of 5 more steroids.....how will I ever sleep???? My bag is as packed as it can be for now and I am very anxious. Always get so nervous when I think about chemo, but with your prayers, your support and Gods kind and healing hands I made it through the first and pray this next one goes just as well. My momma called me tonight and asked me to read my daily word for tomorrow and what a message it was.. my eyes do see now all the beauty and goodness that surrounds me... I am in awe at how amazing God is. Seeing his healing power and answered prayers so evident.
Jeremiah 29: 12Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13:And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. How comforting it is to know that he's got this..that he always has everything. all I have to do is seek him and he will carry me through.. wow... thanks momma.. as always you inspire me just when I need it most.. I do love you so very much. Head is tingly and feeling funny.. guess it's time to have the dizzy head again for a while... I love what the meds do for me physically, but do so look forward to having a clear head again in a week or more.. well I guess I better go for now. I will try to get on and update you during chemo and if not I will try to update you tomorrow night. Thank you all for your prayers and support.. as you can see when you look at me....the prayers are working.. I love you all and wish you sweet dreams..

Day 21

Good Morning all, Wow I have so much to tell you since my last update. Okay let's see... Tuesday I went and had my blood drawn, which the lady at Lab Corp botched again. Bruises all up my arm this time. I spoke with Dr. Buckley about it on Wednesday and he mentioned setting me up to get the blood drawn through my portacath(which I thought was one of the reasons they put the cath in to begin with) but come to find out my chemo nurse Pat told me it would be a lot of trouble as Lab Corp will not draw through the port and neither will the chemo nurses so I would have to schedule outpatient surgery with the hospital and go up there each time. Now considering I get blood drawn at least once a week this would be a lot to go through so it looks like my arms will be all bruised up for the next 5-6 months. Sure wish those ladies at Lab Corp knew what they were doing. Oh well it really is ok.. nurse Pat told me to make sure I drink lots of water the night before drawing blood in order to plump my veins up so they could find them better so it's more water than usual.. I have already learned that water ...water...water...seems to be an essential key to this chemo stuff. Ok so got blood drawn on Tuesday and by Tuesday night I noticed my hair falling out more and more so I asked Brian to go ahead and shave it for me. It was really bothering me to feel it falling on my back and arms so reluctantly Brian got the electric razor out Tuesday night and shaved my head leaving about 1/4 of an inch of hair remaining on my head. He was pretty upset the entire time and I too was very anxious about it, but decided to leave the tears for when I looked at myself in the mirror.. so of course once Brian finished I walked quickly to the bathroom to catch a quick peak at what I now must look like and just let me say ...I ROCK the GI Jane look!!!!!! I was so surprised at how great I looked. As I stood there getting a good glimpse of the new woman in me.. poor Brian came in the bathroom looking like he had just killed his best friend.. he told me I could cry on his shoulder if I wanted to, but I explained there really was no need as I liked the new me..My baby (thank God for my blessing called Brian-aka baby) did a great job with my hair and I really was okay with it.  It really has been amazing to watch God bless me with so much strength and resolve.If anyone knows me well at all, they know how important my hair has always been to me so for me to have this attitude about losing it all means it can only truly be a miracle from God. I really feel his strength at times like this..it's  so amazing.. I just lay back and he is right there to catch me and carry me through it all.. How awesome is that??? All I can say is WOW...and thank you Lord for your strong healing arms.. Wednesday I went to the Docs office for my appointment, strutting my new doooo and everything went great. The Doc said I looked great (he loved the new hair) and that as before he truly thinks I am going to do wonderful through all of this. I explained to him that I would really like to get back to work and he felt that was great as well so he gave me my release to work and off I went. I returned to work on Thursday (strutting my new doo again..no hat yet) and the reception I got was amazing. I felt so loved by everyone.. I really didn't realize how much I missed work until I went back. It was pretty interesting though to watch some as I walked by them in the hall. I would walk by and say hello and you could see in their eyes that they knew me, but couldn't quite remember how they knew me... I looked so different now.. and it had been almost three months since anyone had seen me so the looks were very understandable. I could tell though that after a moment or two it hit them who I was and then the look of fear or concern for me came over them as they walked on by. I can only imagine how they must feel. How awkward it must be to know someone with cancer and not know what to say or do???? I truly believe now that there is no right or wrong thing to say or do..when it comes to those you know or love that is fighting this thing we call Cancer. For me...the best thing is to just say whats in your heart.. something....good or bad is and always will be better than no words at all. I have learned so much as I walk through this valley in my life.. and I know there is so much more to learn. I just pray that God uses me to show others so that they don't have to face what we(my friends and family as they are going through this with me) all have in order to learn. So my first day back to work went great. I was pretty tired by the time I got home but all in all it was a good day. I had missed all my friends at work so bad and was so glad to see them. On Friday I went back to work and it was great. I realized on Thursday as my hair was still falling out quite a bit that removing the hair from my shirt all throughout the day was becoming quite a job, until Lil bit (Tanya a young sweet girl that I work with) mentioned a lint brush. She rushed over and grabbed one from Donna's(my boss and dear friend)desk and rolled it across my back and shoulders and sure enough it cleaned me all up. It wasn't until later as I was staring at the lint roller that I realized..hey I bet I could use this as a hairbrush..so sure enough as a few of my co-workers were standing around including the big boss lady Linda...I showed them all my new hair brush and it worked like a charm. I just roll it over my entire head and it takes out all the loose hair. If I do this like once an hour I find that I don't have so much hair falling out on me which is quite nice as it itches like crazy. So once again I learn something new each day and how wonderful is it that I can make people laugh at the same time... I love it!!!! I am always my happiest when I can make others laugh..almost to a fault as I do tend to say some crazy things at times just to get a laugh...haha..ok so Friday went great ..left work, went home grabbed Brian and off to Bingo we went to meet Donna and her family for a night of fun. I have always loved playing Bingo and it had been quite a few years ...so when Donna invited us how could I pass that up ... Bingo plus great company???? It turned out to be a great night. Lots of laughs, a few heart attacks as we got close to winning but always fell short by a number or two (Brian did win one game though for $25.00 so that was cool) and great friends..It was awesome!!! Went to bed that night with no problem and slept like a baby.. and I didn't even need a sleep aid..whoohooo. Got up on Saturday and just spent a lazy quiet day at home watching our Georgia Dawgs lose :( and then watching the race later that evening. Now here it is Sunday and all is good. I have lots to do of course as I must get ready for work and chemo this week. I am trying to think positive as I really want to keep my chemo appointment this week so please pray my platelets are up and everything moves as planned. I feel great right now and had a great week last week.. I am so ready for another great one.. Lord willing.. and I know he is.... so it's up to me and our prayers to push on through.. I know we can do it ....heck just look at what we and HE have done so far... Can I get an AMEN????? AMEN.... Well I better go for now..I hope to update you on chemo day, but if not..either myself, Brian, Momma or Terrie will update you on the weekend. Take care everyone. I hope you all have an amazing week and as always thank you all so very much for your prayers and support.. They, just like you, mean so much more than you know. Bring on an amazing week!!!!!!

Day 15 - Labor Day

Good Morning All....I hope everyone is off today enjoying the Holiday. I had a great weekend. I felt great most of the weekend and had a nice relaxing day yesterday after all of my festivities. Mom came down on Friday and we shopped most of the morning. We didn't get a chance to do pictures, but hope to next time. Terrie and Pa Bob made it in before Mom went back so we met them for lunch and finally got to introduce mom to pa bob. Had a great lunch then Mom handed me off to Terrie (think Momma was too chicken to take me home and see Brian's reaction once he learned how much I spent) Terrie, Pa Bob and I went home and had great night Friday full of conversation and laughs.. Pa Bob is never at a loss for words and I love it!!! Got up on Saturday morning and headed out to the beach where we walked and took some pics then ate lunch... headed back to the house and said our goodbyes :( then Terrie and Pa Bob headed to Savannah and we headed to Brylee's 1st birthday party. Had a great time, but was very tired by the time we got home. Brian got in the pool and I just relaxed as I was beat. Slept great Saturday night and even slept in until 8:30am on Sunday. We all enjoyed a very quiet and peaceful Sunday as that was what Brian wanted for his birthday. I slept good last night and up bright and early this morning. I have noticed that I keep feeling hair on my shoulders and arms (jumping every time because I think it is a bug crawling on me) so I am thinking that the hair may be leaving me slowly. I guess that is much better than big patches all at once, but I am ready for that too I think.. One never knows I guess until it happens. All in all I have felt very good and seem to have bounced back great from the first treatment. This I have no doubt is due to all of the support and prayers I have been receiving. God has blessed me so much. Each day is a blessing good or bad and I thank God twice for the good ones.. I made a decision last week to try and work through my next 5 treatments. I will start back this Thursday September 9th. Please pray for me as I really think this will help me rather than hurt me. I love my job and working has always made me feel so good.. it's a big part of who I am and I am very anxious to get that part of me back. We shall see how it goes. I have blood work tomorrow then it's off to see the Doc on Wednesday and hopefully he will release me to go back to work on Thursday. I will work Thursday and Friday, relax Sat & Sun and then back to work Monday and Tuesday. My next Chemo treatment is that Wednesday September 15th at 8:45am. If all goes well..I should be able to work Thursday the day after chemo..get off work, head to doc office for my shot then work on Friday. I pray that the aches and pains will hold off until Saturday and Sunday and then I can go back to work on that Monday feeling better I pray. It sounds like a lot to ask for, but I know he is almighty and through him all things are possible so I am letting him lead the way. One of my favorite quotes is "Don't tell your God how big your storm is..tell your storm how BIG your GOD is" so that is what I intend to do. Look out storm he is a BIGGGGGG GOD!!!!!!!! Well I think everyone is caught up for now. I will try to update you when I can. Once work starts it may be on the weekends only...depends on how tired I get. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support!!! Like I said before they really are working miracles!!!! I love you all!!!

Day 10

Wow day 10.... yippee!!!! Love counting the days down... Good morning all... hope everyone is doing great. I am doing good. Day 9 was a good day Thank you Jesus. I went and had my blood work done and yes they found the vein first time around and had it all done in less than minutes.. thank you Jesus.. Overall day 9 was good.. saw my sis and then my sis Darlene and my niece Boogie came and ate dinner with us. I love it when they come and eat with us... I swear Boogie just keeps growing everyday!!! Finally slept some last night. Went to bed at 10 with no sleep meds.. laid there until after midnight and then finally gave in and took two ambien. Laid back down and was out until 8am this morning. I am really surprised the Ambien worked and thankful.. Now I fear that both Brian and I are getting sick.. seems to be a head cold, but not for sure.. I am hoping and praying it is just our sinuses and nothing more... I don't really have much planned for today which may be a good thing as Brian and I probably need our rest. If I know him though he will be out and about doing something. I feel the neuropathy (numbness) more and more each day in my fingers and toes. I seem to feel it more in my fingers than toes though.. still have my hair, but afraid to say that too loud... I think I heard you don't really start losing your hair though until like 18th - 20th day so we shall see. It struck me as I was reading back through my blogs that I forgot to mention that My girl Courtney started college Monday... I am so proud of her.. what an amazing woman she is ... I really see God working through her... what an inspiration she is and always has been to me.. I am not sure what I will do when she decides that living at home is not for her anymore... If I had my way she would live at home forever... not so sure she would see it my way though.. I really miss my grand babies today...can't wait to see them on Saturday. Got a busy weekend and can't wait. Well I guess I better go for now..the house is waking... Thank you God for all your wonderful blessings and thank you all for your prayers and support.. I love you all!!!!